“Twenty utterances for Mommy’s class”, okay?

Alex: We’re feeding our bears!


Alex: That is where I was sitting. That’s my chair!


(dinner time)

Alex: Sup-getty!
Mommy: That’s chili.
(Pause.)
Alex: Sup-getty!

Claire: Uh finger. Uh finger.
(Mommy wipes Claire’s finger.)
Claire: Uh fum.
(Mommy wipes Claire’s thumb.)
(Pause.)
Claire: Uh finger.
Mommy: Claire, just eat please.
Claire: Uh finger. Uh finger. Uh finger. Uh finger. Uh finger. Please. Please.
(Mommy wipes Claire’s finger.)
Claire: Uh finger. Uh finger. Uh finger. Uh finger. Uh finger. Mommy!
Mommy: What?
Claire: Uh finger.
Mommy: I’ll give you a napkin, Claire, and you can do it.
(Mommy gives Claire a napkin. Claire wipes her own finger.)

Daddy: Hey Alex, what are you gonna be when you grow up?
Alex: A Daddy!

Daddy: What’s Grommie gonna be when he grows up?
Alex: He’s a dog, he doesn’t grow up.

Daddy: Okay, Alex. Do you wanna help Mommy with her project?
Daddy: Do you?
(Alex nods.)
Daddy: All right. Then you need to talk.
Alex: Yes.
Daddy: What else did you want to say to me?
Alex: I don’t know.
Mommy: Alex? Who’d you play with at school today?
Alex: Angelina.
Mommy: And what did you do with her?
Alex: I played with her.
Mommy: Well what did you guys play?
Alex: I don’t know.
Daddy: This isn’t going well.
Mommy: This is not a typical sample.
Alex: Mommy, may I have more, um, pineapple, please?
Mommy: Yes.
(Mommy gets Alex more pineapple.)
Mommy: Alex, may I have more chili, please?
(Alex laughs.)
Mommy: Is that funny?
Alex: Yeah.

Daddy: Alex? Um. Why did the squirrel climb up the tree?
Alex: Um. Because he wanted to get some nut -- nuts. Nuts.
Daddy: And – are there nuts in trees?
(Alex nods.)
Daddy: What are they doing up there?
Alex: Um, eating.
Daddy: No, I mean what are the nuts doing up there?
Alex: Lying up there.
Daddy: They’re doing what?
Alex: Lying.
Daddy: Lying?
Alex: Yeah.
(Alex chokes on his pineapple and starts coughing violently.)
Mommy: Are you okay? I heard that squeeze down your throat.
Alex: That hurt me.
(Alex coughs some more.)
Alex: I’m – I’m okay now. It stopped.
Daddy: What happened, Alex?
Alex: I got a cough.
(Alex coughs some more.)
Alex: I coughed in my arm.
Daddy: Good for you.
Alex: I – I coughed in my arm.
Mommy: Good job, Alex.
Daddy: What made you cough?
Alex: The pineapple. And then I coughed again.
(Alex coughs some more.)
Alex: Mommy, may I have more pineapple please?
Mommy: There’s only one more piece and you may have it.
Alex: Yeah.
(Mommy gives Alex the last piece of pineapple.)
Alex: I wanna see it.
Mommy: It’s just juice in there now. I’m gonna throw it away.
Daddy: Wasn’t that nice of Mommy to give you a pineapple?
Alex: Yeah.
Daddy: Hm. That was really nice of her.
Alex (to Mommy): Thank you.
Mommy: You’re welcome.
(Pause.)
Daddy: What were we talking about, Alex?
Alex: Mommy. And Alex and Claire. And Daddy.
Daddy: And what did they do?
Alex: They just, um, played – and let’s talk about the squirrels some more, okay?
Daddy: Okay. Tell me about the squirrels.
Alex: What – what did that squirrel – a squirrel ate a nut from that other tree, that was reaaaaally high. It climbed up that tree. All the way to the top of our house, right, way over there right in our cabinet door.
Mommy: What?
Alex: Over there in our cabinet door, silly.
Mommy: Our food is in there? And the squirrel’s food is in the tree?
Alex: Yeah.
Mommy: I don’t think that’s what you were trying to tell me.
Mommy: Alex, what kind of nuts are in trees?
Alex (touching his sour cream): Cold.
Mommy: What kind of nuts are in trees?
Alex (touching his sour cream): Cold. Cold. Cold.
(Mommy gives Alex a napkin, so he can wipe the sour cream off of his finger.)
Mommy: There are acorns in trees.
Claire (touching her sour cream): Cows.
Daddy: Alex, what were we talking about?
Alex: Squirrels.
Daddy: What would you like to say about squirrels?
Alex: I don’t know.
Daddy: Now, remember, this is for posterity.
(Alex laughs.)
(Alex repeatedly dips his finger in his sour cream, and then licks it off his finger.)
Daddy: Alex, what are you eating?
Alex: I’m eating sour cream.
Mommy: What don’t you use your, your spoon?
Alex: I wanna dip it.
Mommy: You wanna dip your finger in it?
Alex: Yeah.
Alex (licking his finger): Ahhh.
Alex: Look!
Alex (licking his finger): Ahhhh.
(Alex laughs.)
(Alex starts to make some noise that make sour cream spray from his mouth.)
Daddy: Alex! Don’t do that, you just sprayed sour cream, that’s not nice.
(Alex does it again, more mildly.)
Mommy (sternly): Alex. Don’t spit it again or you’re gonna get a timeout for not listening.
(Pause.)
Daddy: Alex? May I ask you a question?
Alex: Yeah.
Daddy: If a tree falls in the forest, and there’s no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?
Alex: Bizzehhh! And there’s a monkey under there. And it says “Bizzeh!”
Daddy (to Mommy): Is that useable?
Mommy: What?
Daddy: Is that useable?
Mommy: “Bizzeh” is not really a word, but the statement is I guess usable even though it doesn’t make sense. I’m not sure. I don’t think most language samples are… this odd.
(Mommy stands up to get some more broccoli.)
Mommy: You want some more broccoli, Alex or Claire?
Alex: Um, I need. I want the one, just like the one, so I can pick them up.
Mommy: What? Do you want some more broccoli?
Alex: Yeah.
Claire: Uh more brocky. Brocky and cheese. Uh more brocky. Mamamama.
Mommy: Here you go.
(Mommy gives Claire broccoli, then pours too much parmesan cheese on it.)
Mommy: Sorry. I’m sorry, honey.
(Mommy gives Alex broccoli, and puts parmesan cheese on it.)
Daddy: Alex, let’s have a conversation now, okay? With continuity?
Alex (to Mommy): Did you get the one just like worms? Cheese?
Mommy: Oh you want the worm cheese?
(Mommy laughs, then gets the shredded cheese.)
Mommy: You want the worm cheese on your broccoli? Or beside it?
Alex: On my broccoli.
Mommy: On it. Okay.
Claire: Uh more.
Mommy (to Claire): You have lots of worm cheese.
Mommy (to Daddy): Thanks for typing all that.
Daddy: You’re welcome.
Mommy: Do you have twenty – do you have twenty utterances?
Daddy: I have a lot of nonsense.
Mommy: Mm.
Claire: Bah joo ah, chee.
(Claire shakes her fork, and a big chunk of food flies across the room and hits the wall.)
Mommy: Where’d it go?
Daddy: Um – there’s some food in the corner. On my sweatshirt.
Mommy: Lovely. Attract ants.
(Mommy picks up the food.)
Alex: Can I see? What happened? What happened?
Mommy: Claire made a mess.
Alex: Where?
Mommy: Oh it’s over there on the wall.
Alex: And what did she make on there? Did she put on there?
(Mommy goes to feed Grommie.)
Mommy (to Grommie): You want your din-din? Can you say woof? Woof?
Grommie: Woof.
Mommy: Do it again. Woof.
Grommie: Woof.
Mommy: Woof.
(Mommy pours Grommie’s food into his dish. Grommie runs around. Alex laughs.)
Mommy: Circle!
(Grommie jumps in a circle.)
Mommy: Good boy, you remembered!
(Mommy puts Grommie’s food down.)
Mommy: Okay.
(Grommie remains frozen.)
Mommy: Okay!
(Grommie begins eating.)
Daddy: Alex, which is better: taco shells, or baked potatoes?
Alex: Baked potatoes.
Daddy: And why?
Alex: Because, I love them.
Daddy: What’s your favorite thing about baked potatoes?
Alex: Brocky tato. Broccoli.
(Claire requests more broccoli.)
Mommy (to Claire): I’m sorry. I should have made more broccoli. And, what’s the other word that you said today? Downtown.
Mommy (to Daddy): Did you know that? She knows that. Funny.
Claire: Pineapple.
Mommy: Oh we don’t have any more pineapple, honey. You’re still hungry?
(Claire mumbles.)
Mommy (showing Claire the empty pineapple can): Yeah, but it’s empty. See?
Claire: Empty.
Mommy: Yeah. You’re still hungry? Um…
Alex: I want worm cheese some more. I like that.
Mommy: What do you want?
Alex: I want worm cheese.
Mommy: Worm cheese?
Alex: Worm cheese. I want cheese, okay? Worm, just worm cheese, okay?
Mommy: Claire, touch your cheese, touch it. It’s not cold any more. Touch it.
(Claire touches it.)
Claire: Cold.
(Claire eats some cheese.)
Mommy: Do you not like it? Do you like it?
Claire: Yeah.
Mommy: You do like it?
Claire: Yeah.
Alex: Cold.
Mommy: Yeah, it’s a little bit cold isn’t it?
(Alex roars repeatedly as he eats his worm cheese.)
(Claire holds some cheese out toward Alex.)
Alex (to Claire): Put it on the ground!
(Claire drops the cheese. Alex laughs.)
Alex: Grommie, eat that!
(Grommie eats the cheese. Alex laughs.)
Claire: Uh ground.
(Claire drops another bit of cheese on the floor.)
Claire: Uh ground.
(Grommie eats the cheese.)
Daddy: Okay guys, stop feeding Grommie.
Mommy: Oh, guys, stop feeding Grommie. It’ll make him sick.
Claire: Uh more.
Mommy: Yeah.
Daddy: Alex, who’s the President of the United States?
Alex: Persa.
Daddy: Who?
Alex: Persa.
Mommy: Persa?
Alex: Yeah.
(Pause.)
Alex: Please no. Don’t be mad.
Alex (laughing): Mommy, I want more worm cheese. This worm cheese.
(Mommy laughs, and gets Alex more cheese.)
Alex: I want to eat all of it. With it’s cold.
Mommy: You like it like that?
Alex: Yeah.
Mommy: I think it’s funny that you call it worm cheese.
Claire: Uh cheese.
Mommy: You want some more cheese, Claire?
Claire: Yeah. Worm cheese. Worm cheese. Worm cheese. Worm cheese.
Mommy (giving Claire more cheese): All right guys, this is the last of the cheese.
Alex: Okay.
Claire: Worm cheese. Worm cheese.
Mommy: It’s all gone.
(Alex and Claire eat their cheese.)
Daddy (to Alex): Can you say twenty utterances for Mommy’s class?
Alex (to Mommy): “Twenty utterances for Mommy’s class”, okay? That’s what you can do, okay?
Mommy: Okay.
Alex: I love you, okay?
Mommy: I love you too, okay?
Alex: Okay. I love you Mommy, okay?
Mommy: Okay. I love you Alex, okay?
Alex: Okay. I love you Daddy, okay?
Mommy: Okay.
Alex: I love you Claire, okay? I love you Grommie, okay? I love you Grommie.
(Claire is holding out a piece of cheese for Alex.)
Alex: You put these on the floor. Stop that.
Claire (eyeing Alex’s cheese): Uh one.
Alex: No! Don’t do that!
Claire: Uh one. Uh one.
(Alex pretends to give Claire a piece of cheese, then jerks it back and eats it.)
Claire: Uh one.
(Alex starts to drop a piece of cheese on the floor for Grommie.)
Mommy (angrily): Hey hey hey!! Alex. That is not listening! You are gonna make your dog sick. Do it again, you’re getting a timeout.
Alex: Am I doing it now?
Alex: Am I doing it now?
Alex: Mommy, may I have more worm cheese?
Mommy (sternly): Alex.
Alex: Mommy, why did you say that?
Mommy: ‘Cause you’re making me mad.
Alex: May I have more worm cheese?
Mommy: No. For two reasons: one, we’re out, but the second reason is, even if we did have more, I wouldn’t give it to you, because you fed it to the dog instead of eating it yourself, when Daddy asked you not to do that, and Mommy asked you not to do it.
(Pause.)
Alex: I wanna get down now.
Claire: Uh down now.
Mommy: I’m waiting for someone to say “please”.
Alex: Please.
Claire: Peez.
(Alex starts squeaking.)
(Claire starts squeaking.)
(Claire drops something.)
Claire: Uh drop it.


Daddy: Claire, what's your friends' names?
Claire: Megan.
Daddy: Megan?
Claire: Morgan.
Daddy: Morgan?
Claire: Yeah.
Daddy: What's your other friend's name?
Claire: Maddie.
Daddy: Maddie?
Claire: Yeah.
Daddy: Who else?
Claire: Turner.
Daddy: Turner?
Claire: Yeah.
Daddy: Who else?
Claire: Hahn.
Daddy: Hahn.
Claire: Yeah.
Daddy: Who else?
Claire: Turner.
Daddy: Miss Turner?
Claire: Yeah.