I don’t wanna get coal.

Alex: Mommy, have I been bad this year?
Mommy: What?
Alex: Have I been bad this year?
Mommy: No.
Alex: Then I’m gonna get presents, right?
Mommy: Yeah, if you keep being good.
Alex: I don’t wanna get coal.


Alex: “I don’t smell chicken, but I do smell chicken.”
(Pause.)
Alex: That’s what Claire says.
(Pause.)
Alex: That doesn’t make any sense, does it?
Mommy: No.


Alex: I’m gonna be a taxi driver when I grow up.
(Pause.)
Alex: Daddy, if I’m gonna be a taxi driver, we might have to move to a city.

Getting a Christmas tree.

(Mommy bought a new bird feeder.)
Alex (to Mommy): Danke for the bird feeder, if you would be so kind.


(Mommy is reading “A Charlie Brown Christmas” to Alex and Claire.)
Mommy (reading): "That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown."
Mommy (to the kids): So what's Christmas all about?
Claire: Getting a Christmas tree.
Alex: All about Santa.

There’s about six Indians.

(Claire is looking at a picture of Alex as a baby.)
Mommy: You weren’t born yet.
Claire: After Alex, I was born?
Mommy: Mm-hm.

(Mommy is talking to Claire and Alex about the Pilgrims and Indians.)
Claire: But did the Indians – did the Indians die?
Mommy: I’m sure they died when they got really really old.
Claire: Oh.
Alex: Now they’re not here anymore.
Mommy: Well there are still some Indians. There are places where --
Alex: There’s about six Indians.

Alex: Maybe like thirty.
Alex: Forty.

Alex: I think there might be twenty-one.


Alex: I know another way to say your name, Mommy: Steph.
Claire: Stephanie!
Alex: And St – and St – Uncle Dave!
Claire: Stephanie!
Alex: And Dave! And Daddy!
Claire: Dave and Stephanie!
Alex: Dave and Steph.
Claire: No it’s Dave and Stephanie.
Alex: No.
Claire: Yeah!
Alex: No.
Claire: Yeah! And Stephanie!
Mommy: You’re right, my name is Stephanie, but a lot of people call me Steph.
Alex: And Claire is Claire Bear, and… Gatewood… but everybody calls, calls… her Claire. Calls you Claire.


Claire: After snowy days, it comes spring then we find eggs!


(Claire is playing with the musical dog/reindeer sled toy.)
Claire: I’m doing what the reindeer’s doing! Look, Daddy!
(Daddy laughs.)
Daddy: You’re cute.


Alex: Daddy, does Santa come and eat the cookies while people sleep, or does the person come give it to him?
Daddy: Santa eats the cookies while people sleep.
Alex: Claire, you were wrong.


Alex: Look, we got this people in this cage! My slopper blopper’s working.
Daddy: Your slopper blopper?
Alex: It’s called a slopper blopper because it slops people.


(lunch)

Claire: What – one day – one day – when are we gonna grow up?
Mommy: What?
Claire: When are we gonna grow up?
Mommy: You’re growing up every day.
Claire: But – which day are we gonna grow up? On. Because – because – Daddy and Mommy. What day is it gonna be when we grow up, be Daddy and Mommy?

Claire: Mommy?
Mommy: What?
Claire: When are you gonna be a doctor?
Mommy: When are you?
Alex: Um, after you have a few more schools.
Claire: Oh.

Alex: That means it’ll take longer for you to grow up and be grown-up, right Mommy?
Mommy: No it won’t take longer. It just means you’ll have to go to school longer.

Alex: I’m not gonna be a doctor, so I can pick a job. I’m gonna be a daddy. And I’ll get married.

Claire (to Mommy): When did you be a kid?

Daddy: Alex, are you gonna eat your lunch? You’re not hungry?
Alex: Not really. I’m just thinking about the slopper blopper.


Alex (whispering): I love you.
Daddy (whispering): I love you too.
Alex (whispering): I’m not gonna hurt you. Or cut you open.

My animal shelter exploded.

(The scary Wizard of Oz anti-pirating intro plays on one of the kids’ DVDs.)

Alex: You were scared of that when you were little.

Claire: But sometimes I like scary stuff on TV, because it’s not real.


Claire: Red one!
Daddy: Yeah.
Claire: When I was a baby and I had gummy bears, I said rawr white one.
Daddy: That’s right.
Claire: And when I was a baby when I had gummy bears, I had the red gummy bear, I said rawr white one.
Daddy: That’s right.
Claire: And I said, Daddy, Daddy, um, red one.
Daddy: That’s right.


(Alex and Claire are playing “animal shelter”.)
Claire (to Daddy): My doggie have dead, dead, so I decided, I’m gonna have a kitten, to bring home.

(Alex runs the shelter.)
Daddy: I want to get an animal.
Alex: You’re at the right place.

(Daddy picks out a kitty.)
Alex: Let me check him out.
(Alex touches the cat with a remote control.)
Alex: Beep.

Alex: Mommy, can we go up in the attic and get the Christmas tree? And decorate it?

Alex: Oh no, Mommy.
Mommy: What?
Alex: My animal shelter exploded.
Mommy: What happened?
Alex: I think, that, there’s a… mud lake, right outside of it? It’s Grommie’s pillow… and some of it exploded, into my animal shelter. You wanna see?

(Claire finds the tiny Charlie Brown Christmas book in the Christmas decorations.)
Claire (excited): Look! I love this book!


(Alex is clowning around.)
Alex: I’m tryin’ to make Claire laugh.


Claire: I wanna decorate the Christmas tree, Mommy! I wanna decorate the Christmas tree, now.


(Claire and Alex are watching A Charlie Brown Christmas. Linus has just finished explaining the true meaning of Christmas.)
Claire: When is Santa gonna give us a present? Tomorrow?
Daddy: No, at Christmas.
(Pause.)
Claire: But today is we set up Christmas.

If you break your leg off, two things: you have to go to the hospital, and... you get a new leg.

Alex: The Pilgrims couldn’t sleep on the ship really well because, if, they got seasick, it would be really hard to sleep on it. Because the ship goes rock, and rock, and you might rock off the hay, so it’s hard to sleep isn’t it?
Daddy: Yeah.


(Claire and Alex are watching a Newsies dance routine during the 85th Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on NBC.)
Alex: You shouldn’t do that.
Claire: No. You shouldn’t pick up chairs. Big chairs.
Alex: Or dance on the table.
Claire: No.
(Pause.)
Claire: You do that on the floor. Don’t you. Dance on the floor.
Alex: Yeah.

(Claire and Alex are dancing along with Sister Act.)
Claire: Smelly book, come and dance with me!

(Claire and Alex are watching a number from How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.)
Claire: Mommy, there’s a hole in my pants!
Daddy: Why don’t you go tell her?
(Claire runs into the other room to tell Mommy.)
Alex: Quick, Claire! Run, there’s a new person!

Alex: Look, Claire, she’s standing on the table.

Claire: Let’s dance!

Claire: Sesame Street! Sesame Street! Daddy, it’s Sesame Street!
Daddy: Yeah!
Claire: Look! Daddy, look!

Alex: Did everybody in the world come to that parade except for us?


(The family is driving to Thanksgiving dinner at Nana and Pop's.)

Alex: To get a Band-Aid, you only do two things: you put cream on it, and you put on the Band-Aid.

Claire: If you break your leg off, two things: you have to go to the hospital, and... you get a new leg.

Alex: What are those?
Mommy: Water towers.
Alex: What's inside?
(Pause)
Claire: Water.

Alex: Right when I get to somebody's house, I'm not shy at all. I used to be shy. With people. But, I'm not!

(Daddy has been trying to convince the kids that they'll eat dinner on top of a radio tower.)
Alex: Daddy is a liar. He lies. He knows we're not gonna eat there. But he tells us; he lies. He tells us we're not gonna eat at Nana's house, and, that's not true!

Alex: What's a side yard? Mommy, what's a side yard?


Alex (putting on mismatched PJs): I'm gonna be... Mr. Tiger Pants Mario!

There were no stores and there was no chicken so they couldn’t dip it in the sauce anyway.

Alex: Grommie! Aren’t you excited it’s Thanksgiving tomorrow?


Alex: I know what we can play, Claire! Do you wanna play Indians and Pilgrims?
Claire: No.


Alex: Daddy? Remember that the pilgrims came on this huuuge ship!
Daddy: Yeah?
Alex: They came from England to America.
Daddy: Yeah.
Alex: And it was the Mayflower. That was its name.
Daddy: Good for you! You know a lot!
Alex: I learned it at school.


Alex: And when the pilgrims got there, it was winter! Right, Daddy?
Daddy: That’s right.


(Claire is playing The Ladybug Game by herself.)

Claire: Daddy, I got five praying mantis cards!

Claire: Five, five five! Yahoo!
Claire: I wish I would get six.


(Claire and Alex are coloring.)

Claire: This guy? Daddy? You banged your head on a chair because you broke your head off.
Daddy: Oh, okay.
Claire: And, Bob the Builder’s coming to fix it.

Claire: Look, he got his head back!
Daddy: Oh good!

Claire: I drew our whole family.

Claire (to Mommy): That’s, you, with your, ponytail and your clip! Look!

Claire: That’s your ponytail, and that short line is your clip.

Claire (to Alex, describing her picture): One day, you went to sleep and you closed your eyes. This is your eyes closed. And that’s, you went to sleep, and you pulled up the covers, and then you went to sleep. And then he opened his eyes –

Claire (to Mommy): Alex is closing his eyes, pulling – pulling up his covers, and he went to sleep, got his baby doll, and he went to sleep, and he had a dream, and he growed bigger than Daddy.
Mommy: Oh yeah? In his dream or for real?
Claire: In his dream.
Mommy: Oh!
Claire: And that’s me, and I went to sleep with my baby doll, then I went to sleep, under the covers. Then I grew bigger bigger bigger bigger, bigger bigger bigger bigger, bigger bigger bigger bigger! See?

Alex: And this is my saying hooray because I ate all those healthy foods.


(Mommy, Alex, and Claire talk about the Indians.)

Alex: Their stove wouldn’t work.

Claire: Their microwave wouldn’t work.
Mommy: Well they didn’t have microwaves.
Claire: How could they make some carrots?!

Mommy: Did they go to the store to buy barbecue sauce?
Alex: There were no stores and there was no chicken so they couldn’t dip it in the sauce anyway.

Alex: They landed in a field, Mommy. No, they landed on Plymouth Rock. And there was just grass. And trees.
Mommy: That’s right.
Alex: They didn’t land on a rock it’s, there’s just, a rock in its name. Plymouth Rock.

Mommy: Did they have doctors?
Alex: Nope.
Claire: Nope.
Alex: They were sick. They were seasick.
Mommy: Did they have dentists?
Alex: No.
Alex: They didn’t have any toothbrushes.
Claire: Or sinks. Or sinks.
Alex: So their teeth were green.
Mommy: They were green?
Alex: Yeah.
Claire: Or sinks!
Alex: Their hands were all germy.

Mommy: How did they go potty?
Alex: In the grass.
Mommy: In the grass?
Alex: Mm-hm.
Claire: Just like our puppy. Grommie.

Alex: They couldn’t think very well. Why they didn’t have, anything they wanted.

Claire: Mommy, I know what they didn’t have?
Mommy: What?
Claire: A ‘frigerator.
Mommy: Yeah.
Alex: All the food would be spoily.

Claire: I know what else they didn’t have!
Mommy: What?
Claire: Water.
Mommy: That’s right.
Alex: They were really thirsty. They had to drink up hose water. But there were no hoses.
Mommy: Where did they get water?
Alex: They had to drink up the rain.
Claire: Or a backyard.
Alex: No playsets!
Alex: Or swings.
Claire: No. They just had grass.

Mommy: Did they have books?
Alex: No.
Claire: No.
Alex: And they wanted to read. They only had Kindles!

Alex: If they wanted a Kindle, they would have to have a plug but they can’t.

Mommy: Did they know how to write?
Alex: No. Maybe the Indians showed them!

Mommy: Did they have pillows?
Alex: No. They had to sleep on straw on the ship. There were no beds.
Claire: Or blankets!
Alex: They were cold.
Claire: Brrrrr!
Mommy: Well did the kids have toys to play with?
Alex: No.
Mommy: Well what did the kids do?
Alex: They were bored. All they had to do was read books!

Mommy: Did they have policemen and firefighters?
Alex: No. It was dangerous on the ship. And they had to go overnight!
Mommy: Yeah. How long did it take them to get there?
Alex: Like… more than twenty minutes.
Mommy: Wow. More than twenty days!
Alex: It took one hundred days.
Mommy: It took a hundred?
Alex: Maybe – maybe even more! Like one hundred and ten days!
Mommy: That’s a long time.

I like playing with Claire.

Alex: I like playing with Claire.


(riding in the car to school)
Claire (out of the blue): Thanksgiving lunch was, um, lunch. Thanksgiving lunch was lunch.



Alex: Claire, I blue skidooed back into Chocolate Land.

Alex: Where’s the whipped cream toilet paper?!
Claire: I love whipped cream toilet paper!


(dinner)

Alex (to Mommy): Thank you for my wonderful dinner. I enjoy it.
Mommy: You’re welcome.
Claire: Thank you for my wonderful dinner.
Mommy: You’re welcome.
Claire: And thank you for loving me.

Mommy: Okay, you guys can help me do one more thing.
Alex: What?
Mommy: Laundry.
Alex (excitedly): My favorite thing!
Claire: My favorite thing too!


Claire (in bed, talking in her sleep?): One, two, three, four, five.
Claire (in bed, talking in her sleep?): Six, seven, eight, nine, ten, seven, eight, nine, ten, (mumble).

McDonald's! McDonald's! McDonald's!

(Riding in the car, Alex sees a McDonald's logo on a highway sign.)
Alex: McDonald's is up there! I saw a sign that said Mc, Donald's.

Mommy: How do you know about McDonald's?
Alex: Because it's a restaurant!
Mommy: Have you eaten there?
Alex: Yes!
Mommy: When?
Alex: I ate the stuff in the car, after Busch Gardens.

(A bit later, we pass the McDonald's.)
Alex: McDonald's! McDonald's! McDonald's!

(Shortly after, we approach a Taco Bell.)
Alex: Up there! There's a restaurant up there! That bell!


Alex: Can we have dessert today, Mommy? If you would be so kind?

We played at the acorn place, we had a picnic lunch, we saw the creek, and we played outside!

(Alex sits down to color.)
Alex: I’m making Sunday this time.

Claire (showing Mommy her picture): It’s your all pretty dress, Mommy!

(Alex is still coloring while Claire eats her breakfast.)
Claire: After I eat my breakfast, I’m gonna make a purple flower for Mommy, too!

Claire: Water helps flowers grow, Daddy.
Daddy: That’s right.
Claire: And I like to drink water.
Daddy: I do too.

Claire: What is today?
Daddy: Sunday.
Claire: Oh.
Claire (excited): We don’t need to go to school!
Daddy: Yeah.
Claire: I didn’t know it was Sunday.
Claire: After Saturday comes Sunday.
Daddy: That’s right.

Alex (still coloring his picture): Look, that little boy is watering my plant. For Mommy, I’m making a garden for her.
Claire: That’s pretty!
Claire: I’m eating my breakfast. Rawr white one, Daddy.
Daddy: Rawr white one.

Alex (still coloring his picture): There’s somebody wearing glasses, and a frog, and reindeer pulling Santa’s sled. They’re all blue because they’re clouds.


Alex: It’s time to ride bikes, Claire!

Claire (bringing in a rock from the yard): I got a rock for all of our family!

Claire: When it’s Sunday and Saturday, I want to ride bikes!

Alex: I like to do exercise.


(The whole family is having a picnic lunch at the cul-de-sac.)
Alex: We had a lucky day.
Mommy: We did?
Alex: We played at the acorn place, we had a picnic lunch, we saw the creek, and we played outside!


Alex: Claire, do you wanna ride bikes?
Claire: No. I said no! I don’t feel like it.


Alex: Daddy, you wanna see what I can do with Claire’s broken head?

Alex: Daddy? Three and three makes six.
Daddy: Good!
Claire: One and one makes two.
Daddy: Good!
Claire: Two and two makes four… four and four makes three… three and three makes five!

Alex: Can you stop banging, please? If you would be so kind.

This is called “Saturday Boy Day”.

(Alex is wearing his orange and blue shirt.)
Alex: Daddy, why aren’t you wearing your orange stripey shirt?
Daddy: I will, after I take a shower. We’re gonna wear our orange stripey shirts today.
Alex: So we can be the boys.
Daddy: We can be the boys.
Alex: We can be the football boys.


Claire (to Mommy): Are we gonna stay with Mommy and Daddy for a long time?

Claire: Thank you for my breakfast, Daddy and Mommy.
Alex: Thank you for my breakfast, Mommy and Daddy.


(Mommy goes upstairs to take a shower.)
Alex: Bye, Mommy.
Mommy: Bye.
Alex: I hope you have fun at your shower.
Mommy: Thank you.


Claire: When I put these cards on the table, you say “Who’s putting some of those cards on the table?”
Claire: I’m putting some on!
Alex: Who’s putting those cards on the table?


Alex: I wanna have a nap.
Daddy: You wanna go lie down in your bed?
Alex: No, I wanna have it on the sofa. Grown-ups have naps on the sofa. I’m gonna lie down on the couch right here.
Daddy: Okay.


Alex: Can we watch a football game, Daddy?


Claire: “You don’t run with chips in your mouth,” said Mom.


Alex: We’re having a Daddy Day!

Alex: This is called “Saturday Boy Day”.
Daddy: That’s right.
Alex: And Mommy and Claire are having “Saturday Girl Day.”
Daddy: But our day is the best, right Daddy?
Alex: Yes.
Daddy: Because we do everything together.

Alex: I like being with you, Daddy.
Daddy: Aw, I like being with you, buddy.

Alex: Even though we’re staying, with each other, we still love Claire and Mommy.
Daddy: That’s right.


(Claire puts in her order for Chick-Fil-A.)
Claire: French fries, and Chick Fil-A, um, French fries, and Chick-Fil-A French fries, Chick-Fil-A French fries, and Chick-Fil-A nuggets.
Alex: I agree with that.


(Alex says the following while playing Pirates with Daddy.)

Alex: Patten the hatches!

Alex: Trim the sails!

Alex: Swab the decks!

Alex: Drop the anchor!


Claire: Mommy, with Alex, can, we, can all of our family, go to the beach, next year?


(Alex puts his sticker on his pants, then on his foot.)
Claire: You know, Alex, stickers always go on your treasure box or your shirt. Or in the trash.


(dinner)

Claire: Mommy, I love this spoon!

Claire: It’s funny with my big -- bib on with no shirt.

Alex: What am I having?
Mommy: Cheese sandwich.
Alex: Yayyy!

(Alex and Claire are watching Caillou.)
Caillou: Can I drive the car when I’m bigger, Daddy?
Alex: Me too, Daddy?
Claire: Me too, Daddy?
Daddy: Mm-hm.
Alex: Can you teach me?
Daddy: Yes.

Claire: Mommy? If we eat all desserts, every day – tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow – it would feel yucky.
Mommy: Yeah.

Sometimes you should eat cheese, and sometimes you should eat a turkey sandwich.

Claire (to Mommy): Please can we have marshmallows for dinner?


Alex: Sometimes you should eat cheese, and sometimes you should eat a turkey sandwich.


Alex: But it's nice and comfy on the sofa because we're gather -- we're gathering.

Alex: Can we snuggle on the sofa Daddy, and you can too? Because I love snuggling.

(Alex rubs Claire's tummy and comforts her.)
Alex: I'm sorry you're not feeling good, and, you're feeling like you wanna watch a different show. You know your family loves you.


(dinner)

Claire: How do you make a sky? Mommy, how do you make a sky?
Mommy: You don't make a sky.
Claire: Oh.
Claire: How do you make a house?
Alex: Wood, nails... a lot of tools...
Claire: A hammer.
Alex: Yeah. That's not all.
Claire: A screwdriver.



(Bed time. It's Claire's turn to have her story read first.)
Claire: Next time Alex is first. I'm gonna tell the truth next time 'cause I did it.

I'm looking in the mirror so I can see my pretty princess shirt.

Claire: I'm looking in the mirror so I can see my pretty princess shirt.

Alex: Claire fell off her stool.
Daddy: Oh! How could that happen?
Claire: I was dancing on it, and I fell off.

Alex (sad): I want a princess shirt.

(Mommy comes downstairs, and Claire likes Mommy's purple sweater.)
Claire: That's pretty!!
Mommy: Thank you!
Claire: Remember I picked out that sweater for you?


(breakfast)

Alex (sadly): I don't want Mommy to go.
Claire: I want she to make money at work! So I want her to go.

Claire: You can show your food -- you can show your mouth, if you don't have any food in your mouth. That's polite. Right, Daddy?



Claire: Daddy?
Daddy: Yeah?
Claire: How do we get out of fall?
Daddy: We just wait, until it's winter.
Claire: Oh. After fall comes winter?
Daddy: Yeah.

I wanna be like a really, really big kid. I wanna be like a grown-up.

Alex: Daddy, I wanna do something on a computer.
Daddy: You do? Like what?
Alex: Like your computer.
Daddy: Oh.
Alex: I wanna be like a really, really big kid. I wanna be like a grown-up.

Why’d the chicken get one hundred napkins?

Alex: My little frog, he likes to be nocturnal because he likes to see spooky stuff.


(Alex and Claire are watching Blue’s Clues.)
Alex: It’s a lamp.
Claire: No it’s not.
Alex: Yeah.
Claire: No it’s not. It’s not a sheep. A sheep is a lamb.


(Alex and Claire are coloring.)
Claire: Alex, can you say that, “What are you making, Claire?”, “Wait and see!”, Okay?
Alex: No.
Claire: Why?
Daddy: Do you want me to say it, Claire?
Claire: Yeah.
Daddy: What are you making, Claire?
Claire: Wait and see!


(dinner)

Claire (giggling): Daddy, I don’t have any towel! Look at me!
Daddy: Yeah.
Claire (giggling): It’s funny!

(Daddy is telling Claire and Alex about his day, and Alex is in a really grouchy mood.)
Daddy: And I had a meeting…
Alex: I don’t want you to have meetings. I want you to be bored. I want you to sit in your chair and not do anything.

Claire: After I finish my dinner, can I make my name on your computer?
Mommy: No, honey.
Claire: But there’s a C.

Alex: Daddy, I wanna tell you a joke. Why’d the chicken get one hundred napkins?
Daddy: I don’t know, why?
Alex: Because, the other chicken, had zero napkins!
(Alex chuckles.)
Alex: That’s funny.

Alex: Daddy, only on two days you can play with us. Saturday and Sunday.

Alex: But a lot of times you have to stay at work a long time.

Alex: Then you don’t get to see your kids. For the whole day.

Alex: Not for the whole day. Because, you can see them for breakfast time in the morning. Yeah but, for the afternoon you can’t. It’s almost the whole day. When you leave, for me, for me and Claire to be dropped at school you’re still with us. So that’s not the whole day.

Alex: Daddy, we never have a fire at our house. But we have a lot of fires at school, don’t we?
Daddy: You do?
Alex: No, but I just had my first one. And you know what they do that’s different? You put your heads through the fence. You put your heads to the fence. So fire doesn’t get in your eyes!
(Alex laughs.)

I can smell anything.

(Mommy and Alex are leaving for church, leaving Daddy and Claire at home.)
Alex: Daddy, can you not play anything fun while I’m gone?
Daddy: Okay.
Alex (smiling): Play something boring.


(Daddy and Claire are driving to Starbucks.)

Claire: When I was two, I was a little girl, and I couldn’t poop.
Daddy: That’s right.
Claire: And when I was three, I could poop!

Claire: What’s that brown store called?
Daddy: That’s a restaurant, it’s called Arby’s.
Claire: Oh, with that big A on it?
Daddy: That’s right! Good for you!
Claire: A starts for Alex.

Claire: Yellow car.

Claire: Red car.

Claire: Red car.

Claire: I never sit in Alex’s seat. Alex doesn’t let me.

Claire (talking about the leaves): Why are they moving?
Daddy: Because the wind is moving them.

Claire: Can you say “Why the leaves are moving?”
Daddy: Why are the leaves moving?
Claire: Because the wind is making them move.
Daddy: Oh!

Claire: I smell coffee.

Claire: I can smell anything. I can smell my smelly book… and coffee… and any store… and Daddy… and chocolate… and any food… and anything… that’s all the stuff I can smell!


Claire: I have be in charge of the aphids.

Claire: Three spaces then go again, I like it!

Claire: Now I go again! See, Daddy?

Claire: I got another one!
Daddy: Wow!
Claire: I get three of them! I get three Praying Mantis cards, yay!!

Daddy (sadly): Oh, I don’t have ten aphids. I only have seven.
Claire: Count them.
Daddy (counting): One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
Claire (putting her hands over her face): Seven.

(Claire draws a “6” card, but being silly, holds it upside-down.)
Claire: Look, I have nine. I have nine, yay! Who gave me nine?
Daddy: You didn’t get a nine, silly.
Claire (turning it right-side-up): I, got, six!

Claire: When you turn it this way, it’ll turn into nine, see?

Claire (with her hands over her face): I got eight.

Claire: The aphids are in my hair.

Claire: Some aphids are going in my mouth! They’re in my tummy now!

Claire: Four spaces back and go again. One…nine. Okay, I was here, go four. One… four.

Claire: I’m shuffle them up like you shuffle them up.
Daddy: Okay.
(Claire tries to shuffle the cards.)
Claire: How you shuffle them up? How you shuffle them up, Daddy?

Claire: I won!
Daddy: Yeah!
Claire: Daddy, I won, you didn’t won, I won!

Claire: I don’t know who’s gonna win if we play again. I think I can win if we play again.

Claire :We have none aphids. Who gave us – who gave us – uh, no aphids?
Daddy: I don’t know.
Claire: I didn’t. Hey, I think Mommy did, and Alex. Alex, did you give us no aphids? I tricked you… I gave you no aphids. You closed your eyes, and I gave you no aphids. Did you Mommy? No. [mumbles to self]
Claire: I was talking to Alex?
Daddy: Yeah?
Claire: Uh-huh.
Daddy: But Alex isn’t here.
Claire: Yes he is. See? The puppy is Alex.
Daddy: Oh.

Claire: You need to shuffle ‘em up. You’re not doing anything.
Daddy: Oh, I’m a bad daddy.
Claire: You’re not. You’re not a bad daddy.


(after Annie’s birthday party)

Alex: Zach and Zane are funny. They get in trouble a lot. At school. And at parties.

Alex: After I went to Thomas’s party, you went to get gas.



Alex: Daddy! Time for music class!
Daddy: Music class?
Alex: You have to find something that can make music, and bang it on something.



(Claire shows Daddy the picture she just drew.)
Claire: Daddy?
Daddy: Yes Claire?
Claire: Um, the giant is scary, and, he forgot to draw that part of his yummy cupcake, he forgot to draw that part, and I’m gonna make him draw that part, of the cupcake.

(Alex shows Daddy the picture he just drew.)
Alex: I made a treasure hunt. You see, I start from the sun, and I go all the way to Mars, then I fly to the planet… then I go back to Earth.

Daddy works on his computer a lot. And reads his Kindle. And plays video games. I’m just like Daddy.

Alex: Spring is fun, too. Because flowers grow right out of the ground. Right, Daddy?


Claire: You, can not, eat anybody else’s food, Alex. That’s not how you play Cupcake, and Gooey.

(Alex is sitting on the sofa, holding a closed book and a crayon.)
Claire: What are you doing, Alex?
Alex: I’m playing a video game. Like Daddy.

Alex: I’ll play this game. It’s called, Shoppers. People, uh, get a lot of food.

Alex: The lady’s a um, the lady’s a bad guy, and she’s tryin’ to steal the food from the store.
Claire: Me too.
Alex: I think I – I think I’ll do froggy tries to find his way back home.
Claire: Me either.

Claire: The boy’s tryin’ to, the mean boy’s trying to get the food, from the lady.
Alex: The frog is hopping, but he can’t find his way home. I’m trying to play that game. It’s really hard for me at once because, because of the ghostes finding his way, (inaudible) forest. Something about the frog has to find his way home, and sometimes they call it forest ghost.

Alex: He could’ve ran into that ghost. And if he runs into a ghost, um, you have to start over.

Alex: He made it through the forest!
Claire: He made it through the forest, yay!
Alex: Now I’m gonna work on my computer.
Claire: Me too.

(Alex stares at a closed book that he’s holding.)
Alex: I’m reading my Kindle.

Daddy: You guys are just like Mommy and Daddy, aren’t you?
Alex: No I’m doing like Daddy. Daddy works on his computer a lot. And reads his Kindle. And plays video games. I’m just like Daddy.

Alex: I don’t wanna read this book. I don’t like Dragon. I don’t like Dragon Dragon Go Away. I’ll look at a different one. I’ll look at the other ones. Ah! These are – these are all ones I don’t like. Oh. There’s one I like. Go in the house, go in the house, there’s a dragon.

Alex: Daddy?
Daddy: Yes.
Alex: But for real? Could I really – could I really – help you play a video game? Your video game?

Claire: Alex, why did you get a knife and a fork?
Alex: Because that’s how people cut stuff. They eat at a table with a knife and fork. Just like Mommy and Daddy.

Alex: I wanna be just like Daddy.


Alex: Mommy?
Mommy: Yeah?
Alex: Do mommies play video games, like daddies?
Mommy: Yeah, sometimes.
Alex: I thought so.

Alex: Mommy? On Monday I have to take a picture to school.
Mommy: A picture? What kind of picture?
Alex: Whatever picture. She didn’t tell me.
Mommy: Wha--? Oh, you’re gonna have your picture taken.

You get barbecue, and you get sauce, and you mix it together. And make barbecue sauce.

Claire: Mommy, when we get home you have to close your eyes, ‘cause I have a surprise, okay?


Alex: Bear’s gonna stay here to do gymnastics, because, his gymnastics teacher’s gonna be here, uh, any minute to pick him up.


Claire: Alex, are you gonna play?
Alex: I’m feeling feliz, so of course.
Daddy: What?
Mommy: He said he’s feeling feliz, so of course.
Daddy: Oh.
Claire: I’m feeling feliz! Our whole family’s feeling feliz!


(dinner)

Claire: How do you make barbecue sauce?
Alex: You get barbecue, and you get sauce, and you mix it together. And make barbecue sauce.

Alex: Daddy? It would be fun if we could really blue skidoo into something.

Claire: Blue skidoo, we can too! I blue skidooed into my food.

Alex: Can you stop talking so I can watch my show?


(Alex is crying in his bed, so Daddy goes to talk to him. At first Alex won’t say what’s wrong, but finally Daddy coaxes it out of him.)

Alex (sad and sniffily): When you’re mad at me, it feels like you don’t love me.

Alex (sad and sniffily): Daddy, it feels like you want me to go to jail.

You can come with me, ‘cause I can’t go without a grownup.

(Alex and Claire are watching an episode of Caillou about animals.)

Alex: Don’t you like the zoo, Claire? We’re gonna see all kinds of animals!
Claire: Yeah, like giraffes… elephants…
Alex: Or maybe monkeys!

Claire: Mommy? I wish I had three puppies!



(Daddy tells Alex about learning some new math at work.)
Alex: Maybe you’ll go to outer space. Because if you learn a lot of math you can be an astronaut.

Daddy: I think I’m too old to be an astronaut.
Alex: But I’m not. I’m little.
Daddy: That’s right, maybe you can be an astronaut.

Alex: But I don’t think you’ll go.
Daddy: No, I don’t think I’ll go to outer space. But maybe you will.
Alex: You can come with me, ‘cause I can’t go without a grownup.


Alex: I smell potato chips, I just gotta get a bite of it again.

Duck, cardinal, robin, and hummingbird.

(breakfast)

Claire: Daddy, my Grommie is going to the party after her little school.

Claire: Daddy, today? Today, I’m gonna tell you a secret.
Daddy: Oh, okay.
(Daddy leans in so Claire can whisper in his ear.)
Claire (whispering): Today I’m gonna bring my books to school!

(Claire tells her secret to Alex.)
Claire (whispering): Today I’m gonna bring my books to school.
Alex: Oh! That’s exciting.
Claire: I’m excited to take them.

Alex: I have four birds that I know. Duck, cardinal, robin, and hummingbird.
Daddy: That’s good.
Alex: I think I know five.
Daddy: Yeah?
Alex: Actually six. Turkeys, chickens, and chicks.
Alex: Seven.
Alex: I have seven, right, Daddy?
Daddy: You do.

Claire: Um, yesterday, um Grommie was coming to my chair, to lick it all.
Daddy: Oh.
Claire: In the middle. And I, and I told Mommy that I wanted a new one. And she gave me one.



(Daddy comes home from work on the Monday after the clocks changed.)
Claire: Daddy, it was starting to get dark, and you were at work for a long, long time.
Daddy: I know. I came home to see you.
Claire: That was too much work!

Hey Daddy? When I have crunchy stuff in my mouth, can you say “Who’s – what’s – what do you have in your mouth crunchy?”

(snack time)

Claire: Hey Daddy? When I have crunchy stuff in my mouth, can you say “Who’s – what’s – what do you have in your mouth crunchy?”
(Claire puts some Goldfish in her mouth.)
Daddy: What do you have in your mouth that’s crunchy?
Claire: Goldfish.
Daddy: Oh!
Claire: Now, when I have a soft thing in my mouth, can you say, “Why do you have a soft thing in your mouth?” Can you do that, D?
(Claire takes a bite of muffin.)
Daddy: Why do you have a soft thing in your mouth?
Claire: Um, because, it is – it’s a, a muffin.
Daddy: Oh.
Claire: Now when, when I eat this one, you need to say, say “What’s that soft thing in your mouth? What do you have in your mouth that’s soft?”
(Claire takes a bite of muffin.)
Daddy: What do you have in your mouth that’s soft?
Claire: Um, it is… a muffin. It’s a muffin. It’s a muffin. Daddy, it’s a muffin.
Daddy: Okay.


(playing the Ladybug game)

Claire: You know what my card is?
Daddy: What?
Claire: You wanna see?
Daddy: I wanna see.
(Claire milks it, waiting, with a big grin.)
Claire: Six!

Claire: You know what I got? You know what I got, Daddy?
Daddy: What?
(Claire hums dramatically, wide-eyed. Finally she shows her card.)
Claire: Fooourrrr.


(lunch)

Alex: Daddy?
Daddy: Yes Alex?
Alex: I hope you enjoy your pepperoni pizza.
Daddy: Thank you.
Alex: I said it to Mommy too.


(dinner)
Claire: I ate everything!
Mommy: You did?
Claire: My tummy wanted all that food!

Claire: I think I’m all done. Because all that stuff is in that tummy. That tummy was, um, all hungry.


Claire: Alex? I'm gonna have a skirt today! You wanna see it?
Alex: Yeah.

I touched one, and it was as hot as the sun.

Alex (whiny): I wanna go shopping!
Mommy: Alex. You have a dollar. What are you gonna buy with a dollar?
Alex: A can of green beans.


Alex: I'm saving for another accident. If a house got cut in half. By a robber.

Claire: That would be a really bad accident!


(dinner)

Alex: I would love some more carrots please, Mommy.

(Alex is complaining that his carrots are too hot.)
Daddy: Well I don’t want you to get burned.
Alex: But I did get burned. I touched one, and it was as hot as the sun.

(Mommy is unwrapping Alex’s Halloween chocolate for him.)
Alex: You don’t have to open it all the way, I can eat it like a banana.

I think I wanna buy a can of tomatoes.

(breakfast)

Claire: My tummy says, “I want a waffle.”

Claire: Now my tummy says, “I want another waffle.”

Alex: Daddy, I think your ABC game, might have to be a beach house game.
Daddy: Yeah?
Alex: Because we never got up to Z. So when we go to the beach house, it’s so far, we can find the whole alphabet.
Daddy: Okay.


Claire: What else can we eat?
Alex: We can eat trash bags.

Claire: How ‘bout we can eat fence. No…
Alex: Yes, we do, we can eat windows, too.
Claire: Yeah, we can eat windows, and plastic.
Alex: Yeah. We can eat Daddy’s computer, too. But he would be really upset.
Alex (eating Daddy’s computer): Mm, yummy.
Claire (eating Daddy’s computer): Mm, yummy, yummy, yummy!

Alex: Daddy, the waffle’s scratching my lungs.

Claire: Daddy? I like that part when she eats that apple, if it goes into her tummy.
Daddy: Yeah?
Claire: If that, it goes into little pieces.
Daddy: Yeah.
Claire: I like that.



(Claire and Alex get new piggy banks, which are each colored red, green, and blue.)
Claire: Mommy? Red is my favorite color, green is my favorite color, and blue is my favorite color.

(Mommy reads a book to Claire and Alex about money.)
Claire: Money doesn’t grow on any trees.
Mommy: That’s right, you have to go to work and earn money.
Alex: Like Daddy! And you!
Claire: You have to go to, you have to go to work, and make some money.
Mommy: That’s right!
Alex: Not like us, or Grommie.

Alex: Claire, we can go shopping tomorrow! And we can buy a can of green beans!

Claire: I wanna buy a can of green beans, too.
Alex: Okay. I think I wanna buy, um –
Claire: I think I wanna buy a can of tomatoes.
Alex: No, I don’t think that’s enough.

Claire: And I’m gonna buy a dinosaur from Toys R Us.
Alex: Maybe I’ll buy… a stuffed animal dinosaur.
Claire: Mommy, I’m gonna buy, a, a dinosaur that says “rawr” from its mouth.
Mommy: Oh, okay.
Claire: That’s what I’m gonna get from my birthday, that. That’s what I’m gonna get for my birthday!

Alex: Mommy, I’m gonna buy a stuffed animal dinosaur, and then at the grocery store maybe I’ll buy a can of green beans.


(Mommy is talking to Alex about anatomy.)
Alex: And the dreams are inside the brain. There’s little pieces, and the brain is inside.

Claire: What’s this?
Mommy: That is your armpit.
Claire: Oh, armpit.
Alex: Just like there’s pits in fruit!
Mommy: Sort of.

Claire: I – I did – I feeded Grommie!


Alex: Mommy, is tomorrow Thanksgiving?
Mommy: What?
Alex: Is tomorrow Thanksgiving?
Mommy: No.
Alex (to Claire): Told you.

Penguins make popsicles?

Claire: Daddy, you know what meltes?
Daddy: What?
Claire: Ice.
Daddy: Oh!
Claire: And, a popsicle.

Alex: Since they’re made out of ice, I think they’re made at the North Pole.
Alex: You eat ‘em outside in the cold! And then they – get all cold. And turn into ice!
Claire: They go in the ‘frigerator. They go in the ‘frigerator and get cold.
Alex: Well. They might make ‘em in the North Pole, Daddy. Because it’s so cold there.
Claire: But there are penguins.
Alex: Penguins make popsicles?
Claire and Alex: No!!!!
Alex: But, I think Santa makes them. Santa makes them.
Claire: No he doesn’t, no.
Alex: Where he lives! At the South Pole.
Claire: No.
Alex: Does he live at the South Pole or the North Pole, Daddy?
Daddy: The North Pole.
Alex: Okay.
Claire: You don’t get a (fly?), because it does – because it doesn’t work at the North Pole.

Alex: Daddy? A long time ago, animals choose their coats.
Daddy: They did?
Alex: Right?
Daddy: Oh, yeah.
Claire: No.
Alex: Yeah.
Claire: They don’t.
Alex: Penguins, and polar bears…
Claire: No they don’t.
Alex: Yeah.
Claire: No they don’t.
Alex: They, uh
Claire: No they don’t.
Alex: It’s sorta like fur.
Claire: Really they don’t.
Alex: Really they do.
Claire: Really they don’t.
Alex: They really have coats.
Claire: No.
Alex: Well, Claire, the fur is their coats.
Claire: No it doesn’t.
Alex: Yeah it is.
Alex: Daddy it is, right?
Daddy: Right.

Alex: And polar bears and penguins and seals.
Claire: No!
Alex: Whales.
Claire: No!
Alex: Got their coats a long time ago, right Daddy?
Daddy: Yeah.
Claire: No!

Claire: Really they don’t, Alex.
Alex: It’s true.
Claire: Yeah, really they don’t. It’s true, they don’t.
Alex: But I’m saying it’s true.
Claire: I’m saying it’s true. First.
Alex: Well, at school I learned that penguins have got their – got their coats on a story. Well, I’ve learned, that animals choose their coats. Well, I saw that animals choose their tails too, but, they don’t really choose their tails. (Pause.) So, it’s true.
Claire: No! That’s not true. That’s not true.
Alex: How ‘bout we start arguing off this? Arguing.
Claire: No. I don’t wanna argue.


(dinner)

(Alex and Claire are ad-libbing.)
Alex: It’s just Mommy and me. Claire’s still not here.
Daddy: Oh. Where is she?
Alex: She’s spending the night at Nana’s.
(Daddy laughs.)
Daddy: When will she be back?
Claire: On Tuesday.

(Mommy shows Daddy the Happy Gram that Claire got at school.)
Mommy: Did you see this?
Claire (proudly): I got a Happy Gram!!
Daddy: Oh, good for you!
Claire: You know what I got?
Daddy: What?
Claire: I need to tell you a secret.
Daddy: Okay.
(Daddy leans in for the secret.)
Claire (whispering excitedly): I got the book bag!

(Alex, Claire, and Mommy go upstairs for bath, then Alex comes back down by himself.)
Alex: Daddy, I want you to come up with me. Because I love you. So I want you to be with me.
Daddy: Okay, I’ll be right up.
Alex: Sometimes I want to be with Mommy and sometimes I want to be with you. ‘Cause you’re a nice daddy.


(Daddy walks out of the room.)
Claire: Hey! Daddy disappeared!
Alex: Uh-huh. Maybe he went to a witch's castle, and –
(Daddy returns.)
Claire: There he is!
Alex: Uh-huh. Maybe he went to the coffee store and got some coffee.

You hurt my feelings because you yelled at me.

(Claire is under the kitchen table and Mommy tells her to get out. A minute later, Claire walks up to Mommy.)

Claire: Mommy? You hurt my feelings because you yelled at me.
(Claire bursts into tears.)

Claire, the witch came!

Alex: Claire, the witch came!


Alex: Daddy, how ‘bout tomorrow, we eat worms for breakfast.
Daddy: Okay, that sounds delicious.
Claire: Mm-hm, I love worms.

Claire: Tomorrow, I think I wanna eat worms.

Claire (before taking a bite of her fish-shaped vitamin): Fish fish fish fish fish fish.


(Alex is in his room screaming.)
Alex: Mommy, I don’t love you!
(Claire looks at Mommy.)
Claire: I love you, Mommy.


(dinner)
Claire (before taking a bite of her sun butter & jelly sandwich on fish-shaped bread): Fish fish fish fish fish fish.

Alex: This is the one we watched, for the first time of Blue’s Clues.



Alex (singing): Alex Gatewood, Alex Gatewood
Alex (singing): How are you? How are you?
Alex (singing): Do you like to giggle? Do you like to giggle?
Alex (singing): Alex Gatewood
Alex (singing): Alex Gatewood

(Mommy then sings the complete song for him.)

Daddy: I'm surprised you remember that song, Alex, we haven't sung that in a long time.
Alex: Grandma.
Daddy: Good! What about Grandma?
Alex: She sang it. She taught it to Mommy.