Thursday, December 29, 2011

Fish!

Claire (to Alex): No, no, no. Be nice to me, Alex. Remember Santa?


Claire: You know what really doesn’t drive cars?
Daddy: What?
Claire: Fish!

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

That’s okay, Claire. It’s not easy at first.

(Playing soccer in the back yard. Claire misses her first shot at the goal.)
Alex: That’s okay, Claire. It’s not easy at first.

Alex: See I did it too.

Claire: I got a goal!


(Daddy is watching a ball game.)
Alex: Daddy! I think that Virginia’s not gonna win.
Daddy: Oh they’re not?
Alex: Yeah. I think that, um, Georgias, is gonna win.
Daddy: Georgias?
Alex: Yeah, we’re playing with them.


(Daddy is walking on the treadmill.)
Alex (laughing): Daddy, it looks like you’re walking on the moon!


(Callum is eating an orange.)
Daddy: I can eat your orange for you if you don’t want it, it’s okay.
Alex (to Callum, laughing): He always does that.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Santa came!!

Claire: Santa came!!

Alex: Merry Christmas, Daddy! I was excited to give you this.

Alex: I hope he didn’t bring me coal.
Claire: I hope he didn’t bring me coal.
Alex: He didn’t bring you coal, Claire. You’ve been very good this December.

Claire: Merry Christmas, Alex!
Alex: Merry Christmas, Claire!

Alex (to Daddy): I gave you a holiday hug.

Claire: Daddy! Mommy doesn't have a shirt on!

Alex: Can everybody see what I got them?

Claire: I hope it’s a doggie. But it won't be.

Claire: I hope it's a cat.


(Claire got a baby doll.)
Claire: I'm my baby’s mommy.

(Alex got a Spider-Man toy.)
Alex: Hey, we need to save somebody!

(Claire got a puppy.)
Claire: A puppy!

Claire: Alex! Look what I got!


(The family is riding in the car.)

Claire: How do you make hills?
Daddy: How do you make hills?
Claire: How do you make hills on the road?
(Daddy does his best to explain.)
Claire: How do you make trees?
(Daddy does his best to explain.)
Claire: Oh. But Daddy -- how do you make grass?
(Daddy does his best to explain.)

Claire: Daddy? How do you make a sign?
(Daddy does his best to explain.)
Claire: Daddy? How do you make... toys?
Alex: How do you make toys: elves. And toymakers.
Claire: How do you make shoes?
(Mommy does her best to explain.)
Claire: How do you make a skyscraper?

Claire: Daddy, how do you make the sun?

(Mommy explains something about hydrogen making up the sun.)
Claire: But how do you put it in the sky?

Claire: How do you make a mailbox?

Daddy: How do you make a mailbox?
Alex: Well, you need wood, metal, and screws.
Claire: How do you make -- I saw a tree, that bends like this, and it was about to fall down. How do you make mulch?

(Mommy does her best to explain how mulch is made.)
Claire: How do you make a ball of hay?
(Mommy does her best to explain.)
Claire: Oh.

Claire: How do you -- how do you make fence?
Alex: You need lots of wood, and you need screws, and you, hammer the screws into the wood, and then you, um, you dig holes into the ground and then you stick the poles in.
Claire: Oh. How do you make a potty?
Alex: Um. I don’t know.
Claire: I know how you make a window.

Alex: Do you wanna know how to make a chair? Claire?
Claire: Yeah, you put, you --
Alex: I can tell you if you want
Claire: I can do it. You put wood on it, and you screw, nails in, and you put wood on the bottom and you screw nails in, put, some on the, more on the side, and, you, pay – pay – and you paint it brown, and, you, screw, some more, screws in, with a screwdriver... and you, paint it brown.
(Pause.)
Claire: And, you... you... um, you put glue on it, and so it can stick. And you, and you let it dry.

Claire: How do you make – how do you, make... a playset? How do you make a playset?
Alex: Well, you need lots of materials. You need lots of wood, you gather some sheets, and, um, you get some, uh... um... Daddy, can you tell me how to make the swings? I don’t know how.
Daddy: You get some, seats, made out of, like plastic and rubber, and you, attach some chains to them, and you hang it up from the, wood, so it swings.
Alex: And then you put on the sheet, after you put up long flat wood, and then, lay the sheet over it, and, tape it on, or you glue it on.
Claire: Daddy, ice is slippery.
Daddy: Yeah, ice is slippery.
Claire: When you pick it up, it falls out of your hand and it slips out.
Daddy: We can probly take that ice off now. Okay? You don’t need it anymore.

Alex: Don’t touch it.
Claire: But it hurts right now.
Alex: It’ll be okay.

Claire: I saw a cut down tree that was only – it wasn’t a stump it was – it was – I can t – I can – well, (unintelligible), and there was, this, on the, side of it. It was a cut down tree, with no leaves, and it wasn’t a stump.
Daddy: Yeah?
Claire: Uh-huh. It wasn’t a usually stump, it was a (inaudible) old one, and you might slide in it.
Daddy: Oh.
Claire: And you can’t get out. It won’t get out – you won’t cut it up, it’ll stay there forever. Can’t get up there, you might fall off. If you stand on the side, it might – you’ll fall off the side, and you’ll hurt really bad, and have to go to the hospital.
Daddy: Oh. Okay.
Claire: So don’t get on a tree that’s like that.
Daddy: I won’t get on a tree that’s like that. You think you could try to sleep for a little bit?
Claire: Yeah, but I am sleeping.
Daddy: You are sleeping?
Claire: Yeah.
Daddy: Then how is it that your eyes are open and you’re talking?
Claire: I don’t know.
Daddy: Could you maybe close your eyes and rest for a little while?
Claire: Yeah.


(Several minutes pass in silence.)
Claire: How do you make fingernails?
Daddy: What?
Claire: Daddy, how do you make fingernails?
Daddy: Well, I’ll tell you after we get to Grandma’s. Right now we need to rest, okay?

Friday, December 23, 2011

Daddy, after you make your coffee, can you play babies with me?

Claire: Mommy! I put on my socks and shoes all by myself!


Daddy: On Sunday when we get up, we can see what Santa brought!
Claire (eyes wide): Yeah!
Alex: Well, I think you should move our presents, so he can have some room.


Claire: Daddy, after you make your coffee, can you play babies with me?
Daddy: Okay. How do you play babies?
Claire: You get a baby, and you play with it, and we – and I’ll tell you what to do.

(Daddy sits down at his computer.)
Claire: Daddy, while you do your computer you can look at my gingerbread man. And me too.
Daddy: Okay.
(Daddy works on his computer.)
Claire: You’re not looking at it!

Claire (to Alex): I made a gingerbread man, it’s so pretty. It has to dry, you can’t touch it.

Claire: When I’m under the table and I do this, when I put it up, you say, “Who did that?!”
Daddy: Okay.
(Claire crawls under the table and then puts her bib up on the table.)
Daddy: Who did that?!
Claire (poking her head out): I did that!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Mommy! Somebody gave us a whole buncha presents!

Alex: Mommy! Somebody gave us a whole buncha presents!

Claire: My favorite color is purple, and pink, and green, and blue, and red.

Claire: Alex, my favorite color is pink, and yellow --
Claire: My favorite color is pink, and purple, and green, and blue, and red.


(riding in the car)

Alex: This is the way we go to Meg's old house.

Alex: That's where Meg dances there. Right there.

Alex: That one. That's where Meg dances, right in that building.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

But, can we go to the Milky Way?

Claire: The Milky Way is up on the moon, right?
Daddy: Um, the Milky Way’s in outer space.
Claire: Oh.
Claire: But, can we go to the Milky Way?
Daddy: Um, yeah.
Claire: The Milky Way’s in Virginia?!


Claire: Daddy, after it rains, a rainbow comes up.
Daddy: Yeah, that’s right.
Claire: But Daddy, after it comes up, does it stay up?

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Daddy, I put my shoe on by myself!

Claire: Daddy, I put my shoe on by myself!
Daddy: Good!
Claire: I’m learning how to put shoes on now!
Daddy: Good for you!

Claire: I’m gonna tell Mommy that I put my shoes on all by myself!



Alex: It’s been there for like a thousand days. (Pause.) Or maybe two days now.

Alex: I can’t wait until Aunt Sheridan gets here.
Claire: Me too. It’s gonna be fun shopping with her.

(Claire calls Mommy on the phone, to tell her about the card she made at school.)
Mommy: Hello?
Claire: Mommy?
Mommy: Yeah?
Claire: My card, I made a card, I made a card from school I made a card from school.
Mommy: What did you do?
Claire: I made a card from school.
Mommy: A card?
Claire: Yeah.
Mommy: Oh!
Alex: For Mommy and Daddy.
Claire: Yeah, and for you, Mommy.
Mommy: Oh, great!
Claire: When you come home you can open it. Both of you can open it.
Mommy: Okay.


Claire: Alex, you can’t put a giraffe in a boat!


(After bath, Alex and Claire shout down the stairs to Mommy.)
Alex: Mommy!
Claire: Mommy!
Mommy: What?
Alex: Come smell us!
Claire: Come smell us!

Claire (giving Mommy a hug): You’re my best mommy in the world!
Mommy: Aw, you’re the best kids in the world.

Claire (giving Daddy a hug): Daddy, you’re the best daddy in the world!
Daddy: Thank you!


Alex (carrying a chair to the front window): Daddy, I’m gonna watch out the window, to see if Aunt Sheridan comes! She’ll be here any minute!


(The doorbell rings.)
Claire: She’s here! She’s here!

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Those stuff are dead.

Claire: Is that your wake-up shirt?

Alex: Are we going to the place where they help people?
Mommy: No, that’s on Thursday.

Claire (to Alex): That hat looks pretty.
Alex: Thank you.
Claire: You’re welcome.

Claire: Daddy, will you play the Ladybug Game with me?
Daddy: Yeah.

Claire: Daddy, why aren’t you playing the Ladybug Game with me?
Daddy: Because you haven’t set it up yet.
Claire: Oh.

Alex: Mommy? It’s better than presents and cupcakes. It’s the biggest one of all, is a cake. Not muffins or cookies.

(Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree comes on the radio. Alex runs into the other room.)
Alex: Look what I’m doing, Daddy.
(Daddy goes to look.)
Daddy: What are you doing, Alex?
Alex (walking in circles around the Christmas tree): I’m going around the Christmas tree.


(Alex and Claire finish doing the barn puzzle.)
Claire (jumping up excitedly): Daddy, we’re done!
Alex (jumping up excitedly): We’re done!
Alex: We did the puzzle!
Daddy: Good job, guys!
Claire: Let’s do it again!
Alex: Okay!


Alex: Daddy, where does a cow like to swim in?
Daddy: I don’t know.
Alex: Milk Lake! Milk Lake.


Alex: Let’s wash our hands!
Claire: Let’s wash our hands!
Alex: To the bathroom!
Claire: To the bathroom!


Claire: Daddy, I ‘m gonna keep the Band-Aid on, and when it falls off, I’m gonna throw it away.
Daddy: Okay.


(Daddy, Alex, and Claire drive around looking at Christmas decorations. Claire wants every decoration she sees.)

Claire: I want that, and the snowman that waves all by itself. That’s all I want.

Claire: Daddy, who lives in space?

(At one house, there are several inflatables in the yard, but they’re all deflated.)
Claire: Those stuff are dead.

Alex: Well they’re just turned off, Claire. They’re not dead.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Can you stop growing mustaches?

(At bed time, Claire gives Daddy a kiss on the cheek.)
Claire: Why did you -- why you -- tomorrow, can you shave your cheeks?

Claire: I see a mustache. Did you grow another mustache?

Claire: Can you stop growing mustaches?

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

What is six?

Claire: What is six? What is six, Alex? Is six a number?
Alex: Yes.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

At school I learned that animals hibernate.

Claire: At Circle Time we did the chicken dance.

Claire (out of the blue): At school I learned that animals hibernate.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Kirk's not a pilgrim. But he used to be one.

(Mommy and Daddy are driving Alex and Claire to their surprise activity: the Santa Train to Colonial Williamsburg. On the way there, Alex and Claire try to guess what the surprise is.)

Claire: The beach house!

Alex: Apple picking!

Claire: Peach picking!

Claire: Pear picking!

Alex: No picking.

Claire: Going to school!

Alex: Don't guess church.
Claire: Church!

Mommy: We're gonna see somebody really special.
Claire: Nana and Pop!

Claire: Grandma and Grandpa!

Alex: Santa!


Claire: I saw chopping down trees.
Claire: Surprise! We're gonna go chopping down trees!


Alex (to Claire): People don't ride on freight trains, they ride on express trains.

Alex: Freight trains carry coal and milk. And other stuff.


Alex: Daddy, if we get cold on the train, there's hot chocolate in one of the cars.



(on the train)

Claire (reading the train magazine): I look like a daddy. I'm a daddy.


(The kids tell Santa what they want for Christmas.)
Claire: A doll with purple and pink and green on it.

Alex: A dinosaur.

(Santa asks Alex if he wants anything else.)
Alex: A handkerchief.


(Santa and Mrs. Claus sing Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer.)
Alex: Daddy, you should forget that song.
Daddy: What?
Alex: You should forget that song, because that's part of my surprise.
Daddy: Oh, okay. I already forgot it.
Alex: Good.



Alex: But the pilgrims died. Except for Kirk. Kirk's not a pilgrim. But he used to be one.



(back on the train again)
Claire: It's like a airplane, 'cause, there's windows.
Mommy: That's right.
Claire: But it's not really a airplane.
Mommy: That's right.



(Alex puts his pen behind his ear.)
Alex (smiling): I'm Handy Manny.


(Crossing the train aisle, Alex trips and falls on Daddy's shoe. He isn't hurt.)
Alex: Santa saw that. He saw you hit me.
Daddy: I didn't hit you!
Alex: Well, with your shoe you did.



Alex: Daddy, do you wanna count to one hundred with me?
Daddy: Yeah.



Alex: All there is is just one, little, hallway.
Alex: I wanna go see a different car.
Daddy: They all look the same.
Alex: No caboose?
Daddy: That’s right.
Alex: Every train has a caboose. But some trains -- some trains, have gas. Excuse me.
Daddy: Did you have gas?
Alex: For real I did.


Alex: Thank you for the surprise, Mommy.

Claire: A Christmas tree on top of the building?! That's funny.

Claire: That was fun.
Mommy: Good. But it was tiring, wasn't it?
Claire: It was so long.


Alex: The Berenstain Bears are greedy.
Mommy: What?
Alex: The Berenstain Bears are greedy.
Mommy: They're greedy?
Alex: Yeah.
Mommy: Oh.
Alex: You know why?
Mommy: Why?
Alex: Because they want everything at the store. Like candy. And stickers.


Claire: How do you make a light, for the cars to go and stop? And go slow.

Claire: Why's the lines there?
Alex: So, if you get in the middle of it? You will get a ticket from the policeman.


Claire: I want some stuff outside too.
Alex: That's what I said.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

A handkerchief and a dinosaur.

Alex: Daddy, yesterday I was being bad the whole day yesterday, wasn't I?
Daddy: Yeah, when I came home from work you were bad the whole day. Why were you?
Alex: I just felt crazy.

Claire: Daddy, I wanna grow up to be a mommy.
Daddy: Good, that's a good idea!
Claire: And I'm gonna grow up to be a doctor too!
Daddy: That's a great idea!
Alex: And Claire, you're gonna have to, you're gonna have to stay in school a few more days, though.
Claire: Yeah.

(Daddy asks Alex what he wants for Christmas.)
Alex: I just want one thing. Well, two things. A handkerchief and a dinosaur.

Claire: I think I want a bike, a new bike, for Christmas. Because my other one, is too small. So I decided I want a new one.


Alex: You shouldn’t be listening to Feliz Navidad, Daddy, because that’s one of my song surprises.
Alex: And you should forget what I said right now.
Daddy: Okay.


(Alex and Claire are playing in the backyard. Alex comes bursting in the back door.)
Alex: Mommy?!
Mommy: What?
Alex: Can you come play with me?
Mommy: Okay.
(Alex goes back outside.)
Mommy (to Daddy): I was just gonna relax for the first time today.
Daddy: I know. But how can you refuse that?
Mommy: I know.
(Mommy goes outside and plays with Alex.)

Friday, December 9, 2011

I really love that vent. ‘Cause it’s so brown.

(Getting up first thing in the morning)
Alex: I can't wait until tomorrow! We're gonna do some Daddy stuff!


(Breakfast)
Alex: Daddy, if you're so so so thirsty, you would drink all day.


(Claire gives Daddy a kiss on the cheek.)
Claire: It’s too crumbly on your cheek.
(Daddy laughs.)
Claire: Why is it too crumbly?
Daddy: I don’t know.
Claire: Because you didn't shave?
Daddy: Yeah.


Claire: I really love that vent. ‘Cause it’s so brown.


(Alex and Claire are watching A Charlie Brown Christmas.)
Alex: It looks like they were just waving their hands around, but really they were decorating the Christmas tree.

(Daddy is opening the candy canes.)
Claire (whispering): It’s exciting!

Alex: Mommy, the candy canes are sort of like bricks. There's red, and then there's yellow between it.

Mommy: Do you like it?
(Claire shakes her head no.)
Mommy: No?
Claire: It’s different.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

We're like big kids!

(Leaving for school, both kids are wearing their backpacks.)
Claire: We're like big kids!


Alex: On Friday night, you want to wake up, because the next day is gonna be Saturday.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Yay! Nana, Nana, Nana!

Alex: Daddy, we're building our house.
Daddy: Okay.
Alex: We're gonna live in fairy land, because we wanna live with unicorns!

Mickey: Can a ladder help us get across the water?
Claire: Uh-huh.
Daisy: I think so.
Claire: See, I told you. It will!

(Mommy is leaving for work.)
Claire: Can you pick me up?
Mommy: Nana's gonna pick you up today.
Claire: Yay! Nana, Nana, Nana!

Alex: I'm taking care of people.
(Alex explains to Daddy that he gave away $25.)
Alex: It's for their Christmas dinner. And some people will say, do you know why we have this dinner? It's because of Alex Thomas Gatewood.

Alex: Now, if somebody has no money, they can buy a Christmas dinner.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

We can't give away the refrigerator.

(Alex shows Daddy something he made at school.)
Alex: I forget what it is.
(Pause.)
Alex: It's a mary modguther.
(Pause.)
Alex: Fairy modguther.
(Pause.)
Alex: Fairy godmother.



Alex: Daddy, did you know that breakfast is the important meal of the day?
Daddy: Where did you learn that?
Alex: I learned it at school.

Claire: I had eight money.

Claire: We can't give away the refrigerator.
Mommy: No.
Claire: We can't make it fit in the box.

Claire: Daddy, today at school I had fish sticks, but --
Alex: Me too.
Daddy: Yeah?
Claire: I can't -- I can't have the fish sticks at school.

Daddy: Why can't you, Sweetie?
Claire: Because I just have to have chicken nuggets there when everybody else has fish sticks.
Alex: You're allergic?
Claire: No. But I can have the animal fish sticks.

Monday, December 5, 2011

I have a good brain.

Alex (to Daddy): You’re soon gonna be a grandpa, because you’re getting old.


(Dinner. Alex wants to say grace.)

Alex: I'm really excited for this food we're gonna eat. We made some of it. Pause. Imen.
Claire: I hope we like much the food. I hope we like the food Mommy made.
Alex: Grace.


(getting ready for bed)
Mommy: I know, you guys are tired.
Claire: I'm not tired.
Mommy: I thought you said you were.
Claire: All the sudden, I'm not tired.


Mommy: Okay, put it on the thing.
Alex: Bookshelf.
Mommy: Bookshelf. I forgot the word. Does that ever happen to you?
Alex: Nope. I have a good brain.
(Mommy laughs.)
Mommy: Are you implying I don't have a good brain?
Alex: No. You have a good brain. I like it.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

How do you make a road?

(in the car on the way to Grandma's and Grandpa's house)

Claire: How do you make a road?
Alex: You make concrete.
Claire: What else?
Alex: You need paint. Rocks.
Claire: But how do you - how do you drive on it?

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Which one was Kirk?

Alex: Are dolphin fish?


(Alex and Claire are playing.)

Alex: Claire, do you see that sign? It says: “Little farm, no books allowed.”

Alex (reading the invisible sign carefully): “Little… farm… no books allowed… for animals… to read.”
Claire: I’m gonna get some more animals!
Alex: Well Claire, don’t get sheep, or pigs.


(Alex is watching Peanuts’ “The Mayflower Voyagers”.)
Alex (not joking): Daddy, I saw the pilgrims. Which ones were Kirk? Which one was Kirk?


(Claire is coloring, and having trouble putting the cap back on the marker.)
Claire: Daddy, it has to say click when, the marker. But these won’t say click.

(Claire is coloring a connect-the-dots picture.)
Claire: Eleven is, two ones!
Daddy: That’s right! You’re very smart, Claire!


Alex: Are those construct– [Alex can’t think of the word] um, you use them for building… and it’s sorta like a map.
Daddy: Instructions?
Alex: Yeah, constructions.


(lunch)

Claire: Grommie’s wishing I’ll drop something.

Alex (anticipating his birthday present): If Nana thinks I’ll like it, maybe it’s a dinosaur.

Alex: Is my yogurt all gone?
Daddy: You can probably get one more scoop out.
(Daddy scoops out the last bite of Alex’s yogurt for him.)
Alex: Don’t feed me like a baby, Daddy.
Daddy: Okay. Why not?
Alex: Because… I don’t like being a baby.

Claire (to Alex): You’re just like a grown-up. You’re just like a grown-up.
Claire (to Mommy): Alex is just like a grown-up.

(Claire is talking about the things she will be able to do when she grows up.)
Claire: And put on my shirt.
Daddy: Uh-huh.
Claire: When I’m a grown-up.
Claire: And make things. Like spaghetti, or sun butter and jelly.
Daddy: Yeah. You can already make sun butter and jelly.
Claire: And read the words.
Daddy: Yeah, that’ll be fun.
Claire: In books.
Daddy: Uh-huh.
Claire: And tie shoes.
Claire: And zip up zippers.
Daddy: Yep.
Claire: And put on my jacket.

Claire: And, I can make coffee.
Claire: And, the last thing I can do: go to work!


Alex: My eye hurts.
Daddy: Oh. Well I’ll stop by the store later and get you a new one.
Alex (having heard this joke before): Thanks, Daddy.

(Claire comes home to see that Daddy is watching a football game.)
Claire: A baseball game! A baseball game!


Claire: What number is none balloons?
Daddy: Zero.
Claire: Lots of zeroes?


Claire: Daddy, I have a secret.
(Daddy leans down so Claire can whisper in his ear.)
Claire (whispering): Um, say that, no three people can’t… um, can’t… bump their toes.
Daddy: Okay.
(Claire steps back.)
Daddy: No three people can’t bump their toes.
(Claire giggles.)


(dinner)

Claire: Can I have some more spaghetti, please if you be so kind?

(Daddy gets Claire more spaghetti.)
Claire: Can I have sauce, and cheese on it please if you be so kind?


(bed time)

Claire (to Mommy): Make a lap. That's not a lap.
Claire (demonstrating): You have to do this a lap.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Today’s my birthday! I’m five!

Alex: I’m practicing juggling.
Daddy: Yeah.
Alex: I’m gonna be Daddy. I’m gonna try to be like Daddy.
Daddy: Okay.
Alex: And I’m gonna practice juggling every day. So, um – I can be Daddy when I grow up.

Alex: Can you give me another present under a blanket?

Alex: Claire, you can have a turn on my scooter if you want. After I try it out.

Claire: I want a scooter too.

Mommy: Well maybe Santa will bring you one.
Alex: I think he’ll put a blanket on it.


(While playing outside, Alex sees Simon walking home from school.)
Alex (shouting to Simon down the street): Today’s my birthday! I’m five!
Alex (shouting to Simon down the street): I got this scooter! For my birthday!

(As other people pass, Alex announces to each of them:)
Alex: Today’s my birthday!


(dinner)

Alex: Daddy, uh…
Daddy: Yes, Alex?
Alex: One hundred is sorta like ten.
Daddy: Yeah, how’s that?
Alex: Because it has a one and a zero, but, it has two zeros in it.
Daddy: Yeah!

Claire: How do you count to one hundred?
Alex: You go through all the numbers, and then you go twenty, and then --
Claire: Twenty-one!
Alex: No, go through twenty --
Claire: Twenty-one!
Mommy: Let him finish, Claire.
Alex: No, you go through twenty numbers, and then thirty, and then you go through thirty numbers, and then you go forty, and then you go through forty numbers, and then you go fifty, and you go through fifty numbers, and you go through sixty, and then you go through sixty numbers, then you go seventy, then you go through seventy numbers, then you go eighty, then you go through eighty numbers, then you go ninety, then you go through ninety numbers, and then you – and then it’s one hundred!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Now that I'm five, Mommy, I can do lots of stuff.

Daddy: Where are we going?
Alex: To Chuck E. Cheese's!
Claire: To Alex's party!

Claire: Daddy! You did all of your shave off! All of your mouth!



Claire: I like going to Chuck E. Cheese's!


Daddy: Did you have fun at Chuck E. Cheese's?
Claire: Yeah.
Daddy: What was your favorite thing to do?
Claire: Eat the cake!


Alex: And we get to take the rest of the cake home. 'Cause I'm the birthday boy.


Alex: Daddy, why do we hafta give 'em to the crunch machine?


Daddy: Alex, did you have fun at the party?
Alex: Yeah.
Daddy: Did you have a little fun, or a lot of fun?
Alex: A lot of fun.
Daddy: Good.

Daddy: Alex, what was your favorite thing to do there?
Alex: Um... Play games.
(Pause.)
Alex: And eat cake!

Claire: Daddy? Daddy?
Daddy: Yes, Claire?
Claire: I saw shiny stuff, on a tree, and it was for Christmas.



(Alex opens his cheese stick wrapper by himself.)
Mommy: Good job, Alex. You are a big kid.
Alex: Now that I'm five, Mommy, I can do lots of stuff.



Alex: Daddy, you know what I should write on Tyler's thank you card?
Daddy: What?
Alex: I really like your Spider-Man, and I like that he swings that pole around.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

I don’t wanna get coal.

Alex: Mommy, have I been bad this year?
Mommy: What?
Alex: Have I been bad this year?
Mommy: No.
Alex: Then I’m gonna get presents, right?
Mommy: Yeah, if you keep being good.
Alex: I don’t wanna get coal.


Alex: “I don’t smell chicken, but I do smell chicken.”
(Pause.)
Alex: That’s what Claire says.
(Pause.)
Alex: That doesn’t make any sense, does it?
Mommy: No.


Alex: I’m gonna be a taxi driver when I grow up.
(Pause.)
Alex: Daddy, if I’m gonna be a taxi driver, we might have to move to a city.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Getting a Christmas tree.

(Mommy bought a new bird feeder.)
Alex (to Mommy): Danke for the bird feeder, if you would be so kind.


(Mommy is reading “A Charlie Brown Christmas” to Alex and Claire.)
Mommy (reading): "That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown."
Mommy (to the kids): So what's Christmas all about?
Claire: Getting a Christmas tree.
Alex: All about Santa.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

There’s about six Indians.

(Claire is looking at a picture of Alex as a baby.)
Mommy: You weren’t born yet.
Claire: After Alex, I was born?
Mommy: Mm-hm.

(Mommy is talking to Claire and Alex about the Pilgrims and Indians.)
Claire: But did the Indians – did the Indians die?
Mommy: I’m sure they died when they got really really old.
Claire: Oh.
Alex: Now they’re not here anymore.
Mommy: Well there are still some Indians. There are places where --
Alex: There’s about six Indians.

Alex: Maybe like thirty.
Alex: Forty.

Alex: I think there might be twenty-one.


Alex: I know another way to say your name, Mommy: Steph.
Claire: Stephanie!
Alex: And St – and St – Uncle Dave!
Claire: Stephanie!
Alex: And Dave! And Daddy!
Claire: Dave and Stephanie!
Alex: Dave and Steph.
Claire: No it’s Dave and Stephanie.
Alex: No.
Claire: Yeah!
Alex: No.
Claire: Yeah! And Stephanie!
Mommy: You’re right, my name is Stephanie, but a lot of people call me Steph.
Alex: And Claire is Claire Bear, and… Gatewood… but everybody calls, calls… her Claire. Calls you Claire.


Claire: After snowy days, it comes spring then we find eggs!


(Claire is playing with the musical dog/reindeer sled toy.)
Claire: I’m doing what the reindeer’s doing! Look, Daddy!
(Daddy laughs.)
Daddy: You’re cute.


Alex: Daddy, does Santa come and eat the cookies while people sleep, or does the person come give it to him?
Daddy: Santa eats the cookies while people sleep.
Alex: Claire, you were wrong.


Alex: Look, we got this people in this cage! My slopper blopper’s working.
Daddy: Your slopper blopper?
Alex: It’s called a slopper blopper because it slops people.


(lunch)

Claire: What – one day – one day – when are we gonna grow up?
Mommy: What?
Claire: When are we gonna grow up?
Mommy: You’re growing up every day.
Claire: But – which day are we gonna grow up? On. Because – because – Daddy and Mommy. What day is it gonna be when we grow up, be Daddy and Mommy?

Claire: Mommy?
Mommy: What?
Claire: When are you gonna be a doctor?
Mommy: When are you?
Alex: Um, after you have a few more schools.
Claire: Oh.

Alex: That means it’ll take longer for you to grow up and be grown-up, right Mommy?
Mommy: No it won’t take longer. It just means you’ll have to go to school longer.

Alex: I’m not gonna be a doctor, so I can pick a job. I’m gonna be a daddy. And I’ll get married.

Claire (to Mommy): When did you be a kid?

Daddy: Alex, are you gonna eat your lunch? You’re not hungry?
Alex: Not really. I’m just thinking about the slopper blopper.


Alex (whispering): I love you.
Daddy (whispering): I love you too.
Alex (whispering): I’m not gonna hurt you. Or cut you open.

Friday, November 25, 2011

My animal shelter exploded.

(The scary Wizard of Oz anti-pirating intro plays on one of the kids’ DVDs.)

Alex: You were scared of that when you were little.

Claire: But sometimes I like scary stuff on TV, because it’s not real.


Claire: Red one!
Daddy: Yeah.
Claire: When I was a baby and I had gummy bears, I said rawr white one.
Daddy: That’s right.
Claire: And when I was a baby when I had gummy bears, I had the red gummy bear, I said rawr white one.
Daddy: That’s right.
Claire: And I said, Daddy, Daddy, um, red one.
Daddy: That’s right.


(Alex and Claire are playing “animal shelter”.)
Claire (to Daddy): My doggie have dead, dead, so I decided, I’m gonna have a kitten, to bring home.

(Alex runs the shelter.)
Daddy: I want to get an animal.
Alex: You’re at the right place.

(Daddy picks out a kitty.)
Alex: Let me check him out.
(Alex touches the cat with a remote control.)
Alex: Beep.

Alex: Mommy, can we go up in the attic and get the Christmas tree? And decorate it?

Alex: Oh no, Mommy.
Mommy: What?
Alex: My animal shelter exploded.
Mommy: What happened?
Alex: I think, that, there’s a… mud lake, right outside of it? It’s Grommie’s pillow… and some of it exploded, into my animal shelter. You wanna see?

(Claire finds the tiny Charlie Brown Christmas book in the Christmas decorations.)
Claire (excited): Look! I love this book!


(Alex is clowning around.)
Alex: I’m tryin’ to make Claire laugh.


Claire: I wanna decorate the Christmas tree, Mommy! I wanna decorate the Christmas tree, now.


(Claire and Alex are watching A Charlie Brown Christmas. Linus has just finished explaining the true meaning of Christmas.)
Claire: When is Santa gonna give us a present? Tomorrow?
Daddy: No, at Christmas.
(Pause.)
Claire: But today is we set up Christmas.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

If you break your leg off, two things: you have to go to the hospital, and... you get a new leg.

Alex: The Pilgrims couldn’t sleep on the ship really well because, if, they got seasick, it would be really hard to sleep on it. Because the ship goes rock, and rock, and you might rock off the hay, so it’s hard to sleep isn’t it?
Daddy: Yeah.


(Claire and Alex are watching a Newsies dance routine during the 85th Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on NBC.)
Alex: You shouldn’t do that.
Claire: No. You shouldn’t pick up chairs. Big chairs.
Alex: Or dance on the table.
Claire: No.
(Pause.)
Claire: You do that on the floor. Don’t you. Dance on the floor.
Alex: Yeah.

(Claire and Alex are dancing along with Sister Act.)
Claire: Smelly book, come and dance with me!

(Claire and Alex are watching a number from How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.)
Claire: Mommy, there’s a hole in my pants!
Daddy: Why don’t you go tell her?
(Claire runs into the other room to tell Mommy.)
Alex: Quick, Claire! Run, there’s a new person!

Alex: Look, Claire, she’s standing on the table.

Claire: Let’s dance!

Claire: Sesame Street! Sesame Street! Daddy, it’s Sesame Street!
Daddy: Yeah!
Claire: Look! Daddy, look!

Alex: Did everybody in the world come to that parade except for us?


(The family is driving to Thanksgiving dinner at Nana and Pop's.)

Alex: To get a Band-Aid, you only do two things: you put cream on it, and you put on the Band-Aid.

Claire: If you break your leg off, two things: you have to go to the hospital, and... you get a new leg.

Alex: What are those?
Mommy: Water towers.
Alex: What's inside?
(Pause)
Claire: Water.

Alex: Right when I get to somebody's house, I'm not shy at all. I used to be shy. With people. But, I'm not!

(Daddy has been trying to convince the kids that they'll eat dinner on top of a radio tower.)
Alex: Daddy is a liar. He lies. He knows we're not gonna eat there. But he tells us; he lies. He tells us we're not gonna eat at Nana's house, and, that's not true!

Alex: What's a side yard? Mommy, what's a side yard?


Alex (putting on mismatched PJs): I'm gonna be... Mr. Tiger Pants Mario!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

There were no stores and there was no chicken so they couldn’t dip it in the sauce anyway.

Alex: Grommie! Aren’t you excited it’s Thanksgiving tomorrow?


Alex: I know what we can play, Claire! Do you wanna play Indians and Pilgrims?
Claire: No.


Alex: Daddy? Remember that the pilgrims came on this huuuge ship!
Daddy: Yeah?
Alex: They came from England to America.
Daddy: Yeah.
Alex: And it was the Mayflower. That was its name.
Daddy: Good for you! You know a lot!
Alex: I learned it at school.


Alex: And when the pilgrims got there, it was winter! Right, Daddy?
Daddy: That’s right.


(Claire is playing The Ladybug Game by herself.)

Claire: Daddy, I got five praying mantis cards!

Claire: Five, five five! Yahoo!
Claire: I wish I would get six.


(Claire and Alex are coloring.)

Claire: This guy? Daddy? You banged your head on a chair because you broke your head off.
Daddy: Oh, okay.
Claire: And, Bob the Builder’s coming to fix it.

Claire: Look, he got his head back!
Daddy: Oh good!

Claire: I drew our whole family.

Claire (to Mommy): That’s, you, with your, ponytail and your clip! Look!

Claire: That’s your ponytail, and that short line is your clip.

Claire (to Alex, describing her picture): One day, you went to sleep and you closed your eyes. This is your eyes closed. And that’s, you went to sleep, and you pulled up the covers, and then you went to sleep. And then he opened his eyes –

Claire (to Mommy): Alex is closing his eyes, pulling – pulling up his covers, and he went to sleep, got his baby doll, and he went to sleep, and he had a dream, and he growed bigger than Daddy.
Mommy: Oh yeah? In his dream or for real?
Claire: In his dream.
Mommy: Oh!
Claire: And that’s me, and I went to sleep with my baby doll, then I went to sleep, under the covers. Then I grew bigger bigger bigger bigger, bigger bigger bigger bigger, bigger bigger bigger bigger! See?

Alex: And this is my saying hooray because I ate all those healthy foods.


(Mommy, Alex, and Claire talk about the Indians.)

Alex: Their stove wouldn’t work.

Claire: Their microwave wouldn’t work.
Mommy: Well they didn’t have microwaves.
Claire: How could they make some carrots?!

Mommy: Did they go to the store to buy barbecue sauce?
Alex: There were no stores and there was no chicken so they couldn’t dip it in the sauce anyway.

Alex: They landed in a field, Mommy. No, they landed on Plymouth Rock. And there was just grass. And trees.
Mommy: That’s right.
Alex: They didn’t land on a rock it’s, there’s just, a rock in its name. Plymouth Rock.

Mommy: Did they have doctors?
Alex: Nope.
Claire: Nope.
Alex: They were sick. They were seasick.
Mommy: Did they have dentists?
Alex: No.
Alex: They didn’t have any toothbrushes.
Claire: Or sinks. Or sinks.
Alex: So their teeth were green.
Mommy: They were green?
Alex: Yeah.
Claire: Or sinks!
Alex: Their hands were all germy.

Mommy: How did they go potty?
Alex: In the grass.
Mommy: In the grass?
Alex: Mm-hm.
Claire: Just like our puppy. Grommie.

Alex: They couldn’t think very well. Why they didn’t have, anything they wanted.

Claire: Mommy, I know what they didn’t have?
Mommy: What?
Claire: A ‘frigerator.
Mommy: Yeah.
Alex: All the food would be spoily.

Claire: I know what else they didn’t have!
Mommy: What?
Claire: Water.
Mommy: That’s right.
Alex: They were really thirsty. They had to drink up hose water. But there were no hoses.
Mommy: Where did they get water?
Alex: They had to drink up the rain.
Claire: Or a backyard.
Alex: No playsets!
Alex: Or swings.
Claire: No. They just had grass.

Mommy: Did they have books?
Alex: No.
Claire: No.
Alex: And they wanted to read. They only had Kindles!

Alex: If they wanted a Kindle, they would have to have a plug but they can’t.

Mommy: Did they know how to write?
Alex: No. Maybe the Indians showed them!

Mommy: Did they have pillows?
Alex: No. They had to sleep on straw on the ship. There were no beds.
Claire: Or blankets!
Alex: They were cold.
Claire: Brrrrr!
Mommy: Well did the kids have toys to play with?
Alex: No.
Mommy: Well what did the kids do?
Alex: They were bored. All they had to do was read books!

Mommy: Did they have policemen and firefighters?
Alex: No. It was dangerous on the ship. And they had to go overnight!
Mommy: Yeah. How long did it take them to get there?
Alex: Like… more than twenty minutes.
Mommy: Wow. More than twenty days!
Alex: It took one hundred days.
Mommy: It took a hundred?
Alex: Maybe – maybe even more! Like one hundred and ten days!
Mommy: That’s a long time.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I like playing with Claire.

Alex: I like playing with Claire.


(riding in the car to school)
Claire (out of the blue): Thanksgiving lunch was, um, lunch. Thanksgiving lunch was lunch.



Alex: Claire, I blue skidooed back into Chocolate Land.

Alex: Where’s the whipped cream toilet paper?!
Claire: I love whipped cream toilet paper!


(dinner)

Alex (to Mommy): Thank you for my wonderful dinner. I enjoy it.
Mommy: You’re welcome.
Claire: Thank you for my wonderful dinner.
Mommy: You’re welcome.
Claire: And thank you for loving me.

Mommy: Okay, you guys can help me do one more thing.
Alex: What?
Mommy: Laundry.
Alex (excitedly): My favorite thing!
Claire: My favorite thing too!


Claire (in bed, talking in her sleep?): One, two, three, four, five.
Claire (in bed, talking in her sleep?): Six, seven, eight, nine, ten, seven, eight, nine, ten, (mumble).

Monday, November 21, 2011

McDonald's! McDonald's! McDonald's!

(Riding in the car, Alex sees a McDonald's logo on a highway sign.)
Alex: McDonald's is up there! I saw a sign that said Mc, Donald's.

Mommy: How do you know about McDonald's?
Alex: Because it's a restaurant!
Mommy: Have you eaten there?
Alex: Yes!
Mommy: When?
Alex: I ate the stuff in the car, after Busch Gardens.

(A bit later, we pass the McDonald's.)
Alex: McDonald's! McDonald's! McDonald's!

(Shortly after, we approach a Taco Bell.)
Alex: Up there! There's a restaurant up there! That bell!


Alex: Can we have dessert today, Mommy? If you would be so kind?

Sunday, November 20, 2011

We played at the acorn place, we had a picnic lunch, we saw the creek, and we played outside!

(Alex sits down to color.)
Alex: I’m making Sunday this time.

Claire (showing Mommy her picture): It’s your all pretty dress, Mommy!

(Alex is still coloring while Claire eats her breakfast.)
Claire: After I eat my breakfast, I’m gonna make a purple flower for Mommy, too!

Claire: Water helps flowers grow, Daddy.
Daddy: That’s right.
Claire: And I like to drink water.
Daddy: I do too.

Claire: What is today?
Daddy: Sunday.
Claire: Oh.
Claire (excited): We don’t need to go to school!
Daddy: Yeah.
Claire: I didn’t know it was Sunday.
Claire: After Saturday comes Sunday.
Daddy: That’s right.

Alex (still coloring his picture): Look, that little boy is watering my plant. For Mommy, I’m making a garden for her.
Claire: That’s pretty!
Claire: I’m eating my breakfast. Rawr white one, Daddy.
Daddy: Rawr white one.

Alex (still coloring his picture): There’s somebody wearing glasses, and a frog, and reindeer pulling Santa’s sled. They’re all blue because they’re clouds.


Alex: It’s time to ride bikes, Claire!

Claire (bringing in a rock from the yard): I got a rock for all of our family!

Claire: When it’s Sunday and Saturday, I want to ride bikes!

Alex: I like to do exercise.


(The whole family is having a picnic lunch at the cul-de-sac.)
Alex: We had a lucky day.
Mommy: We did?
Alex: We played at the acorn place, we had a picnic lunch, we saw the creek, and we played outside!


Alex: Claire, do you wanna ride bikes?
Claire: No. I said no! I don’t feel like it.


Alex: Daddy, you wanna see what I can do with Claire’s broken head?

Alex: Daddy? Three and three makes six.
Daddy: Good!
Claire: One and one makes two.
Daddy: Good!
Claire: Two and two makes four… four and four makes three… three and three makes five!

Alex: Can you stop banging, please? If you would be so kind.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

This is called “Saturday Boy Day”.

(Alex is wearing his orange and blue shirt.)
Alex: Daddy, why aren’t you wearing your orange stripey shirt?
Daddy: I will, after I take a shower. We’re gonna wear our orange stripey shirts today.
Alex: So we can be the boys.
Daddy: We can be the boys.
Alex: We can be the football boys.


Claire (to Mommy): Are we gonna stay with Mommy and Daddy for a long time?

Claire: Thank you for my breakfast, Daddy and Mommy.
Alex: Thank you for my breakfast, Mommy and Daddy.


(Mommy goes upstairs to take a shower.)
Alex: Bye, Mommy.
Mommy: Bye.
Alex: I hope you have fun at your shower.
Mommy: Thank you.


Claire: When I put these cards on the table, you say “Who’s putting some of those cards on the table?”
Claire: I’m putting some on!
Alex: Who’s putting those cards on the table?


Alex: I wanna have a nap.
Daddy: You wanna go lie down in your bed?
Alex: No, I wanna have it on the sofa. Grown-ups have naps on the sofa. I’m gonna lie down on the couch right here.
Daddy: Okay.


Alex: Can we watch a football game, Daddy?


Claire: “You don’t run with chips in your mouth,” said Mom.


Alex: We’re having a Daddy Day!

Alex: This is called “Saturday Boy Day”.
Daddy: That’s right.
Alex: And Mommy and Claire are having “Saturday Girl Day.”
Daddy: But our day is the best, right Daddy?
Alex: Yes.
Daddy: Because we do everything together.

Alex: I like being with you, Daddy.
Daddy: Aw, I like being with you, buddy.

Alex: Even though we’re staying, with each other, we still love Claire and Mommy.
Daddy: That’s right.


(Claire puts in her order for Chick-Fil-A.)
Claire: French fries, and Chick Fil-A, um, French fries, and Chick-Fil-A French fries, Chick-Fil-A French fries, and Chick-Fil-A nuggets.
Alex: I agree with that.


(Alex says the following while playing Pirates with Daddy.)

Alex: Patten the hatches!

Alex: Trim the sails!

Alex: Swab the decks!

Alex: Drop the anchor!


Claire: Mommy, with Alex, can, we, can all of our family, go to the beach, next year?


(Alex puts his sticker on his pants, then on his foot.)
Claire: You know, Alex, stickers always go on your treasure box or your shirt. Or in the trash.


(dinner)

Claire: Mommy, I love this spoon!

Claire: It’s funny with my big -- bib on with no shirt.

Alex: What am I having?
Mommy: Cheese sandwich.
Alex: Yayyy!

(Alex and Claire are watching Caillou.)
Caillou: Can I drive the car when I’m bigger, Daddy?
Alex: Me too, Daddy?
Claire: Me too, Daddy?
Daddy: Mm-hm.
Alex: Can you teach me?
Daddy: Yes.

Claire: Mommy? If we eat all desserts, every day – tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow – it would feel yucky.
Mommy: Yeah.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Sometimes you should eat cheese, and sometimes you should eat a turkey sandwich.

Claire (to Mommy): Please can we have marshmallows for dinner?


Alex: Sometimes you should eat cheese, and sometimes you should eat a turkey sandwich.


Alex: But it's nice and comfy on the sofa because we're gather -- we're gathering.

Alex: Can we snuggle on the sofa Daddy, and you can too? Because I love snuggling.

(Alex rubs Claire's tummy and comforts her.)
Alex: I'm sorry you're not feeling good, and, you're feeling like you wanna watch a different show. You know your family loves you.


(dinner)

Claire: How do you make a sky? Mommy, how do you make a sky?
Mommy: You don't make a sky.
Claire: Oh.
Claire: How do you make a house?
Alex: Wood, nails... a lot of tools...
Claire: A hammer.
Alex: Yeah. That's not all.
Claire: A screwdriver.



(Bed time. It's Claire's turn to have her story read first.)
Claire: Next time Alex is first. I'm gonna tell the truth next time 'cause I did it.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I'm looking in the mirror so I can see my pretty princess shirt.

Claire: I'm looking in the mirror so I can see my pretty princess shirt.

Alex: Claire fell off her stool.
Daddy: Oh! How could that happen?
Claire: I was dancing on it, and I fell off.

Alex (sad): I want a princess shirt.

(Mommy comes downstairs, and Claire likes Mommy's purple sweater.)
Claire: That's pretty!!
Mommy: Thank you!
Claire: Remember I picked out that sweater for you?


(breakfast)

Alex (sadly): I don't want Mommy to go.
Claire: I want she to make money at work! So I want her to go.

Claire: You can show your food -- you can show your mouth, if you don't have any food in your mouth. That's polite. Right, Daddy?



Claire: Daddy?
Daddy: Yeah?
Claire: How do we get out of fall?
Daddy: We just wait, until it's winter.
Claire: Oh. After fall comes winter?
Daddy: Yeah.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I wanna be like a really, really big kid. I wanna be like a grown-up.

Alex: Daddy, I wanna do something on a computer.
Daddy: You do? Like what?
Alex: Like your computer.
Daddy: Oh.
Alex: I wanna be like a really, really big kid. I wanna be like a grown-up.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Why’d the chicken get one hundred napkins?

Alex: My little frog, he likes to be nocturnal because he likes to see spooky stuff.


(Alex and Claire are watching Blue’s Clues.)
Alex: It’s a lamp.
Claire: No it’s not.
Alex: Yeah.
Claire: No it’s not. It’s not a sheep. A sheep is a lamb.


(Alex and Claire are coloring.)
Claire: Alex, can you say that, “What are you making, Claire?”, “Wait and see!”, Okay?
Alex: No.
Claire: Why?
Daddy: Do you want me to say it, Claire?
Claire: Yeah.
Daddy: What are you making, Claire?
Claire: Wait and see!


(dinner)

Claire (giggling): Daddy, I don’t have any towel! Look at me!
Daddy: Yeah.
Claire (giggling): It’s funny!

(Daddy is telling Claire and Alex about his day, and Alex is in a really grouchy mood.)
Daddy: And I had a meeting…
Alex: I don’t want you to have meetings. I want you to be bored. I want you to sit in your chair and not do anything.

Claire: After I finish my dinner, can I make my name on your computer?
Mommy: No, honey.
Claire: But there’s a C.

Alex: Daddy, I wanna tell you a joke. Why’d the chicken get one hundred napkins?
Daddy: I don’t know, why?
Alex: Because, the other chicken, had zero napkins!
(Alex chuckles.)
Alex: That’s funny.

Alex: Daddy, only on two days you can play with us. Saturday and Sunday.

Alex: But a lot of times you have to stay at work a long time.

Alex: Then you don’t get to see your kids. For the whole day.

Alex: Not for the whole day. Because, you can see them for breakfast time in the morning. Yeah but, for the afternoon you can’t. It’s almost the whole day. When you leave, for me, for me and Claire to be dropped at school you’re still with us. So that’s not the whole day.

Alex: Daddy, we never have a fire at our house. But we have a lot of fires at school, don’t we?
Daddy: You do?
Alex: No, but I just had my first one. And you know what they do that’s different? You put your heads through the fence. You put your heads to the fence. So fire doesn’t get in your eyes!
(Alex laughs.)

Sunday, November 13, 2011

I can smell anything.

(Mommy and Alex are leaving for church, leaving Daddy and Claire at home.)
Alex: Daddy, can you not play anything fun while I’m gone?
Daddy: Okay.
Alex (smiling): Play something boring.


(Daddy and Claire are driving to Starbucks.)

Claire: When I was two, I was a little girl, and I couldn’t poop.
Daddy: That’s right.
Claire: And when I was three, I could poop!

Claire: What’s that brown store called?
Daddy: That’s a restaurant, it’s called Arby’s.
Claire: Oh, with that big A on it?
Daddy: That’s right! Good for you!
Claire: A starts for Alex.

Claire: Yellow car.

Claire: Red car.

Claire: Red car.

Claire: I never sit in Alex’s seat. Alex doesn’t let me.

Claire (talking about the leaves): Why are they moving?
Daddy: Because the wind is moving them.

Claire: Can you say “Why the leaves are moving?”
Daddy: Why are the leaves moving?
Claire: Because the wind is making them move.
Daddy: Oh!

Claire: I smell coffee.

Claire: I can smell anything. I can smell my smelly book… and coffee… and any store… and Daddy… and chocolate… and any food… and anything… that’s all the stuff I can smell!


Claire: I have be in charge of the aphids.

Claire: Three spaces then go again, I like it!

Claire: Now I go again! See, Daddy?

Claire: I got another one!
Daddy: Wow!
Claire: I get three of them! I get three Praying Mantis cards, yay!!

Daddy (sadly): Oh, I don’t have ten aphids. I only have seven.
Claire: Count them.
Daddy (counting): One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
Claire (putting her hands over her face): Seven.

(Claire draws a “6” card, but being silly, holds it upside-down.)
Claire: Look, I have nine. I have nine, yay! Who gave me nine?
Daddy: You didn’t get a nine, silly.
Claire (turning it right-side-up): I, got, six!

Claire: When you turn it this way, it’ll turn into nine, see?

Claire (with her hands over her face): I got eight.

Claire: The aphids are in my hair.

Claire: Some aphids are going in my mouth! They’re in my tummy now!

Claire: Four spaces back and go again. One…nine. Okay, I was here, go four. One… four.

Claire: I’m shuffle them up like you shuffle them up.
Daddy: Okay.
(Claire tries to shuffle the cards.)
Claire: How you shuffle them up? How you shuffle them up, Daddy?

Claire: I won!
Daddy: Yeah!
Claire: Daddy, I won, you didn’t won, I won!

Claire: I don’t know who’s gonna win if we play again. I think I can win if we play again.

Claire :We have none aphids. Who gave us – who gave us – uh, no aphids?
Daddy: I don’t know.
Claire: I didn’t. Hey, I think Mommy did, and Alex. Alex, did you give us no aphids? I tricked you… I gave you no aphids. You closed your eyes, and I gave you no aphids. Did you Mommy? No. [mumbles to self]
Claire: I was talking to Alex?
Daddy: Yeah?
Claire: Uh-huh.
Daddy: But Alex isn’t here.
Claire: Yes he is. See? The puppy is Alex.
Daddy: Oh.

Claire: You need to shuffle ‘em up. You’re not doing anything.
Daddy: Oh, I’m a bad daddy.
Claire: You’re not. You’re not a bad daddy.


(after Annie’s birthday party)

Alex: Zach and Zane are funny. They get in trouble a lot. At school. And at parties.

Alex: After I went to Thomas’s party, you went to get gas.



Alex: Daddy! Time for music class!
Daddy: Music class?
Alex: You have to find something that can make music, and bang it on something.



(Claire shows Daddy the picture she just drew.)
Claire: Daddy?
Daddy: Yes Claire?
Claire: Um, the giant is scary, and, he forgot to draw that part of his yummy cupcake, he forgot to draw that part, and I’m gonna make him draw that part, of the cupcake.

(Alex shows Daddy the picture he just drew.)
Alex: I made a treasure hunt. You see, I start from the sun, and I go all the way to Mars, then I fly to the planet… then I go back to Earth.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Daddy works on his computer a lot. And reads his Kindle. And plays video games. I’m just like Daddy.

Alex: Spring is fun, too. Because flowers grow right out of the ground. Right, Daddy?


Claire: You, can not, eat anybody else’s food, Alex. That’s not how you play Cupcake, and Gooey.

(Alex is sitting on the sofa, holding a closed book and a crayon.)
Claire: What are you doing, Alex?
Alex: I’m playing a video game. Like Daddy.

Alex: I’ll play this game. It’s called, Shoppers. People, uh, get a lot of food.

Alex: The lady’s a um, the lady’s a bad guy, and she’s tryin’ to steal the food from the store.
Claire: Me too.
Alex: I think I – I think I’ll do froggy tries to find his way back home.
Claire: Me either.

Claire: The boy’s tryin’ to, the mean boy’s trying to get the food, from the lady.
Alex: The frog is hopping, but he can’t find his way home. I’m trying to play that game. It’s really hard for me at once because, because of the ghostes finding his way, (inaudible) forest. Something about the frog has to find his way home, and sometimes they call it forest ghost.

Alex: He could’ve ran into that ghost. And if he runs into a ghost, um, you have to start over.

Alex: He made it through the forest!
Claire: He made it through the forest, yay!
Alex: Now I’m gonna work on my computer.
Claire: Me too.

(Alex stares at a closed book that he’s holding.)
Alex: I’m reading my Kindle.

Daddy: You guys are just like Mommy and Daddy, aren’t you?
Alex: No I’m doing like Daddy. Daddy works on his computer a lot. And reads his Kindle. And plays video games. I’m just like Daddy.

Alex: I don’t wanna read this book. I don’t like Dragon. I don’t like Dragon Dragon Go Away. I’ll look at a different one. I’ll look at the other ones. Ah! These are – these are all ones I don’t like. Oh. There’s one I like. Go in the house, go in the house, there’s a dragon.

Alex: Daddy?
Daddy: Yes.
Alex: But for real? Could I really – could I really – help you play a video game? Your video game?

Claire: Alex, why did you get a knife and a fork?
Alex: Because that’s how people cut stuff. They eat at a table with a knife and fork. Just like Mommy and Daddy.

Alex: I wanna be just like Daddy.


Alex: Mommy?
Mommy: Yeah?
Alex: Do mommies play video games, like daddies?
Mommy: Yeah, sometimes.
Alex: I thought so.

Alex: Mommy? On Monday I have to take a picture to school.
Mommy: A picture? What kind of picture?
Alex: Whatever picture. She didn’t tell me.
Mommy: Wha--? Oh, you’re gonna have your picture taken.

Friday, November 11, 2011

You get barbecue, and you get sauce, and you mix it together. And make barbecue sauce.

Claire: Mommy, when we get home you have to close your eyes, ‘cause I have a surprise, okay?


Alex: Bear’s gonna stay here to do gymnastics, because, his gymnastics teacher’s gonna be here, uh, any minute to pick him up.


Claire: Alex, are you gonna play?
Alex: I’m feeling feliz, so of course.
Daddy: What?
Mommy: He said he’s feeling feliz, so of course.
Daddy: Oh.
Claire: I’m feeling feliz! Our whole family’s feeling feliz!


(dinner)

Claire: How do you make barbecue sauce?
Alex: You get barbecue, and you get sauce, and you mix it together. And make barbecue sauce.

Alex: Daddy? It would be fun if we could really blue skidoo into something.

Claire: Blue skidoo, we can too! I blue skidooed into my food.

Alex: Can you stop talking so I can watch my show?


(Alex is crying in his bed, so Daddy goes to talk to him. At first Alex won’t say what’s wrong, but finally Daddy coaxes it out of him.)

Alex (sad and sniffily): When you’re mad at me, it feels like you don’t love me.

Alex (sad and sniffily): Daddy, it feels like you want me to go to jail.