What do cows put on their sandwich?

(Saturday morning. Daddy is sleeping late. Alex comes into his room.)
Alex: Daddy, Claire hurt her lip really bad, and it's bleeding.

(After ice and TLC, Claire is finally feeling better.)
Claire: I'm ready to play now, Alex.

Claire (to Alex): What are you doing, Alex?
Alex: I'm getting a sticker for being very brave.


(Alex and Claire are playing.)
Alex: Claire. You're not apposed to be the giant. You're 'posed to be floating over the sea!
(Pause.)
Alex: Float over the sea.
(Pause.)
Alex: Float over the sea.
(Pause.)
Alex: Claire! Float over the sea!

Alex (to Daddy): When you were fast asleep, I was playing and I said, "Claire will you play with me?", and she said yes and I said "Yaaay!", but she didn't play with me. And I'm very sad.

Alex: Claire, please, float over the sea!
Claire: But I'm waiting, for you to find, the sea.
Alex: It's right here! Claire, it's right here!

Alex: Get on the boat and I'll pull you through the water.
(Claire is on the couch-cushion boat. Alex tries to pull her.)
Alex: You're so heavy. How 'bout you make the boat go?
(Claire makes the boat go.)
Claire: I'm doing it! I'm float over the sea.

Alex: Claire, come play!
Claire: I wanna play this game!
(Pause.)
Alex: I've got a game you really like. You like baby dolls!

Claire: Yeah. Let's play baby dolls!
Alex (to Daddy): I've got a game Claire and Alex really like to do now. Baby dolls!
Daddy: Good!

Alex: But I'm Daddy, okay Claire? I'm going to work with my baby doll.

(Alex and Claire march off with their baby dolls in their shopping carts. Alex is wearing Daddy's work shoes.)
Alex: Here we go shopping!
Claire: Here we go shopping!
Alex: I'm Daddy!
(Alex laughs.)
Alex: Look at my big feet!
(Alex kicks off Daddy's shoes.)
Alex: That's not what Daddy does. He doesn't.. Flew his shoes off! Hahaha. Wouldn't that be funny Claire? Stop it! You almost ran over me!

(Alex and Claire are pretending to go get more baby dolls.)
Alex: I think there's some in Germany, Claire. I think there's some in Germany.

Alex: Whoooaaa! Daddy always falls down. Sometimes.

Alex: My baby got a toy that she likes! Hello Kitty!
Daddy: Oh, Hello Kitty!
Alex: She just wanted to get a toy from the store. So I let her pick something that she likes!

Alex: I want it to be the other Saturday, with Meg's birthday.
Daddy: Yeah, you had so much fun.
Claire (shouting from the other room): It's baby's birthday!

Claire (shouting from the other room): Cupcakes are ready!

Claire: You can each have one. You can have, um…
Claire: Daddy, which one do you want? This one is for Alex.
Claire (singing): Somebody loves the cupcakes…
Claire (to Alex): Your cupcake's right there, right there.

(Claire is holding two cupcakes and a baby doll.)
Claire (showing Daddy the two cupcakes): Daddy, which one do you want? This one or this one?
Daddy: Can I have the yellow one?
Claire: No, this one's for her.
Daddy: Oh, can I have the brown one?
Claire: No I want this one. This one's for me and this one's for her.

Claire: I want a chair! I want a chair!
(Daddy brings her a chair. Alex is sitting in a chair looking out the window.)
Alex: I'm watching the rain.
Claire: I wanna watch the rain. While I eat.


(After cooking class.)
Claire: We made sushi!


(Alex is worried about the ants living in our wall.)
Alex: I've got a great idea! But I've gotta think about it first.

Alex: We could knock on the wall, and make them come out.


(snack time)

Claire: Daddy, why -- why did the cow go over the road?
Daddy: I don't know, why?
Claire: Um, because he crashed into a truck!

Alex: What do cows put on their sandwich?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Moo-stard!
(Alex and Daddy laugh.)
Mommy: You remembered that one!
Mommy: Did Daddy laugh?
Alex: Yeah.
Mommy: That's a good one.

Alex: What do cows put on their sandwich?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Moo-stard!
(Alex and Daddy laugh.)

Alex: What do cows put on their sandwich?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Moo-stard!
(Alex and Daddy laugh.)

Alex: What do cows put on their sandwich?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Go-keek!
(Alex and Daddy laugh.)

Alex: What do cows pack when they're goin' a trip?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Trick! Trick! I tricked! I tricked!
(Alex laughs.)

Alex: Daddy?
Daddy: Yes, Alex.
Alex: What do cows put on their sandwich?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Moo-stard!
(Alex and Daddy laugh.)
Alex: What do cows put on their sandwich?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Moo-stard!
(Alex and Daddy laugh.)
Alex: Even, it's a rainy day, we're still having fun.
Daddy: Yeah.
Alex: What do cows put on their sandwich?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Moo-stard!
(Alex and Daddy laugh.)
Claire: What do cows put on their sandwich?
Daddy: I don't know.
Claire: Moo-stard!
(Claire and Daddy laugh.)

Alex: What do cows pack when they're goin' to the -- beach house?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Mookee! Mookee!
(Alex laughs.)
Alex: It's sorta like milk.

Alex: What do cows put on their sandwich?
Daddy: I don't know.
(Long pause, as Alex appears to be trying to think up a good punchline.)
Alex: Moo-stard!
(Daddy laughs.)
Alex: What do pigs put on their sandwich?
Daddy: I don't know.
(Pause.)
Alex: Hough-stard!
(Alex and Daddy laugh.)
Alex: What do horses put on their sandwich?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Hot-stard!
Daddy: Oh.
Alex: What do sheep put on their sandwich?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Alex-stard!
(Pause.)
Alex: But why aren't you laughing?
Daddy: Oh, I think I've heard that one before.

Alex: What do um, um -- what do frogs put on their sandwich?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Frog-stard!
Daddy: Frog-stard?
(Alex and Daddy laugh.)
Alex: Do you know another funny joke like that?

(A little later.)
Alex: What do cows put on their sandwich?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Moo-stard!
(Alex and Daddy laugh.)
Alex: What do cows put on their sandwich?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Moo-stard!
(Alex and Daddy laugh.)
Mommy: Alex. It's not funny if you keep asking.
Alex: Why? Why not?
Mommy: It's just not.
Alex: What do cows put on their sandwich?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Moo-stard!
(Alex laughs.)
(Pause.)
Alex: Am I not supposed to do this?
Daddy: What are you doing?
Alex: Am I not supposed to do the joke anymore?
Daddy: Well, it's not as funny now that I've heard it a lot of times.
Alex: Why isn't it more funny?
Daddy: I guess because I know what you're gonna say.

(A little later.)
Alex: What do cows get out of the mailbox?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Moo-stock.
(Alex laughs.)
Alex: What do cows put on their feet?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Moo-socks!
(Alex laughs.)
Alex: It's sorta like socks, but it has a moo in it!
Daddy: Yeah.
Alex: What do cows eat?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Milky!
(Alex laughs.)
Alex: What do we eat?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Water-y!
(Alex laughs.)

(A little later.)
Alex: What do -- what do cows eat?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Daddy-up.
(Alex laughs.)
Alex: What do -- what do kids eat?
Daddy: I don't know.
Alex: Popsickuh!