That is Alex's song!

Alex: Can I tell you a joke, Daddy?
Daddy: Yeah, tell me a joke.
Alex: Where have the trees live when they’re with bugs?
Daddy: Where?
Alex: Can you say “I don’t know”?
Daddy: I don’t know.
Alex: They live in our house!


(Daddy is helping Alex do bathroom stuff, and Alex wonders what will happen we he’s a daddy too.)

Alex: Can I help my boy do bathroom stuff?

Alex: Who’s gonna be the mommy?
Daddy: I don’t know.
Alex: Claire!

(Claire is being uncooperative with Mommy.)
Alex: Claire’s gonna be in trouble again.
Daddy: Yeah.
Alex: Claire’s in trouble every night.
Daddy: Yeah.


Alex: Why do I have a straight foot, Daddy?
Daddy: What?
Alex: Why do I have a straight foot?
Daddy: You don’t.
Alex: Why don’t I?
Daddy: Why don’t you what?
Alex: Why don’t I have a straight foot?
Daddy (thoroughly confused): I don’t know, you just don’t.


Alex (singing): Alex is a big boy
Alex (singing): Claire is a big girl
Alex (singing): Claire is a big girl
Alex (singing): Alex is gonna be a daddy after he grows up
(Alex laughs.)
Alex: That's the end of my song.
Daddy: I like it. That's a good song.
(Pause.)
Claire (singing): That is Alex’s song!


(Alex and Claire are getting in the car to go to the grocery store.)

(Alex sees a jeep.)
Alex: That car’s like Sarge.

(Daddy is putting on Claire’s seatbelt. Recently, Daddy pinched her leg in the buckle.)
Claire: Don’t hurt me, ‘kay?
Daddy : Okay, I won’t. Do I hurt you?
Claire: With my buckle.
Daddy: I’m sorry.


(Daddy is driving Alex and Claire home from the grocery store.)
Alex: Mommy might be getting worried about us.


Alex: We’re having a nice snack.


(dinner)

Alex: This doesn’t look like a very good dinner.

Mommy (to Alex): Daddy likes my dinner.
Daddy: It looks like a very good dinner. It smells like a very good dinner.
Alex: It’s a really good dinner because – because it has sour cream.

Claire: I like honey mustard, I don’t like sour cream. I don’t like it.
Mommy: Yeah, you don’t like it. But maybe you will one day.
Claire: Yeah.

Alex: I don’t love Mommy. I don’t love Mommy. I don’t love you, Mommy. I’ll snap you.
Alex: Snap!

Alex: Mommy. I don’t love you, Mommy. You’re not fun. You're not great.
Mommy: Did I make you sad?
Alex: You’re making me mad, because you’re being mean to me. And I don’t like being mean.
Mommy: Sorry.