This is the sickest I've ever been.

Alex: Did you know Zach and Zane run even faster than me?
Daddy: No, wow.
Alex: Well, I might run faster today.
Claire: Alex, do you know why Max always bees mean to me?
Alex: Why?
Claire: Because he always runs, faster than me!


Alex: Zach and Zane have really good shoes, because, they're kind of black and blue, and mine are red and blue, but… theirs are sh -- they kind of look mean… so… they might have those kind of shoes, that go really fast… maybe it's because they're scary… scary persons run really really fast!
Claire: Alex, do you know why Max bees mean to me lots and lots?  It's because his shoes have Spider-Man on them!  And he doesn't know that Spider-Man helps people.


Claire: Daddy?
Daddy: Yes Claire?
Claire: Um, the house is made of nails, because the floor has to have nails.


Alex: This is the sickest I've ever been.

That bear likes to eat mommies, daddies, and Claires.

Claire: That bear likes to eat mommies, daddies, and Claires.

But the ABCs do stop.

Claire (out of the blue): Mommy, I want my own phone.
Mommy: You want a phone?
Claire: Yeah.
Mommy: What kind of phone?
Claire: A purple and pink one.
Mommy: Who are you gonna call?
Claire: Anybody.


Alex: You can never stop counting, right Daddy?
Daddy: That's right!
Alex: It just keeps on going and going.  There is no last number.
Daddy: That's right.

Alex: But the ABCs do stop.


Alex (to Claire): When you're 41 or 42, you're a grown-up!
(Alex laughs.)
Claire: Yeah, but when you're one, you're still a kid.  No, when you're six, you're a kid.
Alex: I'm almost six.  I'm five.
Claire: And I'm almost four.



(In the car on the way to Claire's soccer.)
Claire (happily): Everyone's coming to watch me.


Claire (out of the blue): Daddy, I never see bad guys in the world.
Daddy: You never see bad guys in the world?
Claire: Yeah.
Daddy: Do you want to see bad guys?
Claire: Yes.
Daddy: Why do you want to see bad guys?
Claire: I want to sneak up on them.
Daddy: Oh. That would be fun.
Claire: I just want to sneak up on one. Then I can go home.

I have a thousand keys!

Alex (to Claire): I'm gonna put you in jail!
Claire: Well I have a magic key!
Alex: Well I'm gonna take it! And put it in a box, that you can't open!
Claire: I have a thousand keys!

What makes the trees make shade?

Claire: I counted to seventy-seven!
Alex: Well Claire, do you want to count all the way to one hundred?
(Claire does, with Alex’s help.)

Claire: I counted all the way to one hundred!

Alex: Well Claire, did you know that one hundred is like counting again, like one hundred, two hundred, three hundred, four hundred. Isn't that cool?


Alex: Daddy? What makes shade?
Daddy: What?
Alex: What makes the trees make shade?

So, we will write a letter that says "I don't want you to take my tooth, but I still want a present."

Claire: Daddy? Daddy...! Daddy, tomorrow, can everybody play my games?


(Mommy and Claire are talking about the Tooth Fairy.)
Claire (to Mommy): I don't want you to take my tooth. So, we will write a letter that says "I don't want you to take my tooth, but I still want a present."


Alex: Daddy? I sailed and fished in the boat that I built.
Daddy: Yeah? Cool!
Alex: I sailed to the North Pole.

I'm talkin’ like a grown-up.

Alex: I'm talkin’ like a grown-up.

Mommy (talking to Daddy): It has like four different readers.
Alex (in a grown-up voice): Yeah. It’s quite a lot of readers.
(Alex cracks up.)
Alex: I made that up!

Mommy, is it party then birthday, or birthday then party?

(Claire is wearing her soccer outfit.)
Claire: I can kick the ball really hard, and I can run really fast watch!
(Claire runs off.)


Claire: Mommy, is it party then birthday, or birthday then party?
Mommy: It depends when your birthday is. Your birthday’s on Saturday, so your party’s on your birthday.
Claire: Okay, so I get to blow out the candles, and get presents, and eat cake? On my birthday?

Daddy, is there real sharks in the ocean?

Claire: Daddy, is there real sharks in the ocean?
Daddy: Yeah, there are real sharks.
Claire: Right now?
Daddy: Yeah, right now.
Claire: Well, one time, when we were at the ocean, there were no sharks.
Daddy: Yeah, there weren't any sharks in the part of the ocean where we were.

Daddy, I know why ten comes after nine.

Alex (upset): She gets to do everything she wants. I get to do nothing I want.

Claire (upset): Well, Alex, you got to wash hands first. So what's the problem?!


Alex: Daddy, I know why ten comes after nine.
(Alex very clearly explains the base-10 number system.)
Alex: And then after the 1 ones, you do the 2 ones, and then the 3 ones…

We're like, real big kids going to school.

Claire: Daddy?  When the bird, found a worm, and take it up to their nest, will it hurt?
Daddy: No, it won't hurt.
Claire: Oh.  Well -- does the worm have eyes?
Daddy: No, it doesn't have eyes.
Claire: Well it might hurt them.


Alex: Don't you wanna put your backpack on your back?  I can do that.
Claire: Okay.  I'll be like a real kid going to school.

Claire: We're like, real big kids going to school.

You can't tell people your cards.

Alex: Claire! I counted to three hundred!
Alex: Three hundred and one, three hundred and two, three hundred and three…


Alex: Daddy, and I found a haunted book!  It said a haunted book.  It said "this book is haunted."

Claire: I really like this book!  I just read [pronounced "reed"] it all by myself.

Claire: I don't know the first page, but I know the second page.  The second page is when Mudge takes off Henry's sock!

Claire: We got lots of books.  Daddy, we got lots of books.

Alex: And this book is really funny, because, he takes off Henry's sock.


Claire: Daddy, when it snows, do we have scarfs?  Because Mommy has one?


Claire: Daddy?  I made a sho -- a shop!  And it was a barber shop!
Daddy: Wow!
Mommy: She gave good haircuts.  It was fun.
Claire: Alex -- Mommy liked the haircuts!
Mommy: I liked the haircuts.  Alex did too.  We were fighting over it.


(Claire and Alex are playing Go Fish.)
Claire: Alex, do you have any twos?
Alex: Go fish.  I only have eights, fives, and tens.
Claire: You can't tell people your cards.
Alex: Oops, sorry!  Try to forget it.

It’s taking a long time to be a grown-up.

Alex: Remember when I got lost on that island at Disney World?


(Julia made cookies and bread for the family.)
Alex: What's this bread?
Mommy: That's cinnamon raisin bread.
Alex: Raisin bread?  Yummy.
Alex: I like these things she made.
Mommy: I'll tell her.
Alex: Can I meet her one day?

Alex (after eating a cookie): She made some pretty good cookies!

Alex: She must be a really good cooker.

Alex: Daddy?  “A” can do a lotta things.
Daddy: Yeah?
Alex: “A” can do a lotta things.  It can do ah, uh, ay, aa!
Daddy: Yeah!
Alex: And W can be silent!


(dinner)
Claire: It’s taking a long time to be a grown-up.
Alex: But Claire, when you’re a grown-up you have to do a lot of work. You might get really tired but you still have to do it.
Alex: Don’t you like playing instead?
Claire: I do, I like – but I also like being a grown-up. Because grown-ups don’t mind when they work.

Claire: Daddy, when I was sleeping, I saw a hand, but it was a green hand. When I was sleeping, at the beach.
Daddy: Yeah?
Claire: Yeah. It was come – it was coming from your bed.


(Alex and Mommy are watching House Hunters.)
Alex: I think they’re gonna pick the third one.
Mommy: I do too.

(They pick the first one.)
Alex: They always pick number one!
Mommy: Do they?
Alex: Mm-hm. Even though it needs a lot of work.


(Grommie burps.)
Alex: Excuse you, Grommie.

I wish we were back there. I love that place.

(Alex wakes up Claire.)
Alex: Claire! I built something cool. I built something big. Something with animals.

Claire: I dreamed I explored all around the world. With Alex.


(Alex and Claire are putting on their shoes, and Alex is pretending they're firemen getting ready to go deal with an emergency.)
Daddy: And then we put out the fire?
Alex: No, there isn't a fire.  It's just, someone got their, their leg stuck in a fence.


Claire (re Disney World): I was a little bit scared of -- of the shark.

Claire: But I -- I love it.  I just wanna go there again.

Claire: When are we gonna go back there?


Alex: Like I built a zoo, I built two things today.  No wonder I'm tired.
Alex: We had play group, I built a zoo at night, I didn't sleep… I played outside…  I played play group when Tyler was here, and no one else came.


Alex: I loved being on the -- I loved the -- I loved -- I loved -- at Disney World, I liked hugging Minnie.  She was comfortable.

Claire: And I love -- I looooved the castle.  ‘Cause it was so big, and purple and pink, and all those splatting things.  Those things, up in the sky.  You know what they are?
Daddy: What?
Claire: I don't know.
Daddy: Fireworks.

Claire: I liked the fireworks, and the castle!

Alex: And remember we ate breakfast there?  We ate breakfast at the castle, right?
Daddy: That's right.
Alex: And we saw Ariel… Belle… Snow White… do you remember who else?  Who else?
Claire: Um… I think Ariel.
Alex: I already said Ariel.
Claire: No, Ariel has… red hair.  Red hair.
Alex: Yeah, I said her, I said her.  Ariel.  Ariel.

Claire: I wish we were back there.  I love that place.

Alex: Remember that show?  Remember the clown show?
Claire: Yeah.
Alex: That was funny.

Alex: Remember that?  Remember this when we were in that dark tunnel one day?
Claire: Mm-hm.


(dinner)
Alex: The sun for the flowers gives them lots of nutrients, which is in the vitamins for the sun.
Daddy: That's right.


(bath)
Alex: I'm one.
Claire: You’re a baby.
Alex: No, a one-year-old is not a baby; a zero -- a zero person is a baby. You can be zero.


(Alex and Claire are admiring the zoo that Alex made this morning.)

Claire: Giraffe is my favorite animal, because I know what it’s called: giraffe!

Alex: Like I'm pretending there's a wall here, and they can't go there 'cause there's electric cords.
Daddy: Okay.
Alex: Electric cords. And there's a electricity box there.


(Alex finishes reading his bedtime story.)
Mommy: Good job, buddy.
Alex: You don't have to say that.


(in bed)
Alex: Daddy, I think Claire wants to get carried because she's tired, and, she’s saying "I'm tired" [said in a whiny voice] because she wants to get carried.

Yesterday? At breakfast, Daddy?

(breakfast)

Alex: Yesterday? At breakfast, Daddy?
Daddy: Yeah?
Alex: I was, really smart. Because I ate all my breakfast.

Whenever I learn a new Spanish word, I add it to the Spanish words in my brain.

(Claire and Alex are watching Super Why.)
Claire: What’s that, that Princess Pea was riding in?
Alex: A carriage.
Claire: Oh.
Alex: It’s hooked to horses, but that was a long time ago.


(driving to school)

Claire: Is I’m still gonna be a mom?

Alex: Whenever I learn a new Spanish word, I add it to the Spanish words in my brain.

Mommy, you know what is blue?

Claire: Daddy, I’m gonna have a soccer, at Saturday, and when it’s finished, I’m gonna eat a popsicle, and one time, I ate it all up, ‘cause there was no peanuts in it!


Claire: Mommy, you know what is blue?
Mommy: What?
Claire: You have to think of it.
Mommy: Oh. Uh… the sky? The sky?
Claire: But it has to be down low.


(Claire is playing Old Maid with Daddy and Alex.)
Claire: I love this game. I love all our games!

There’s a lot of stuff going on in my nose.

(Claire has two chocolate bunnies.)
Claire: Daddy, after breakfast we’re gonna have this.
Daddy: Wow.
Claire: Mommy gave us this, and the bunny rabbit gave us this.
Daddy: Wow.

Alex: There’s a lot of stuff going on in my nose.
Daddy: Yeah?
Alex: This nostril is bloody and this nostril is goo.
Daddy: I’m sorry, buddy.
Claire: Like the goop place at the water game.
Alex: Yeah, but, it isn’t black. It’s yellow.
Claire: Yellow?
Alex: Uh-huh. That’s what goo is.
Claire: Oh, goo. That’s yucky. Goo is yucky.
Claire: When you eat goo, it’s yucky.


Claire: I’m eating his ear.
Daddy: That’s a big piece of chocolate!
Claire: Uh-huh.
Daddy: You must be a special girl.
Claire: Yeah.
Alex: This special girl, when she was a baby, she grew into a girl that loves candy.
(Alex laughs.)


(in the car on the way to Grandma’s and Grandpa’s house)

Alex: And it’s fun because there’s lots of trees on the way to Grandma’s. So you can play lots of tree games. Grandma lives in the forest.

Claire: It’s taking so long to get to Grandma’s house.
Alex: I told you, Claire.
Claire: It’s taking a thousand minutes.
Alex: No, it’s only an hour.


(in the car on the way to Riverside Diner)

Alex: I wanna sit beside Virginia. I like talking to her.
Daddy: Okay.
Claire: And I wanna sit next to, um, Meg.
Daddy: Okay.
Claire: And you, Daddy.


(in the car, driving home from Grandma’s and Grandpa’s house)

Claire (sadly): Daddy, when are we gonna go back?

Claire: But when are we gonna come back? I love Grandma’s.


Alex: Claire, I have a better idea. Let’s look out for faraway cars and try to catch up with them. Remember we did that on the way to Grandma’s?


Claire: Alex, can you count to one hundred?
Alex: I can, but I don’t really want to count that high.
Claire: Can you count to thirty?
(Alex counts to thirty.)
Alex: Do you want me to count to one hundred?
Claire: Yeah.
Alex: Thirty one, thirty two, thirty three, thirty four, thirty five, thirty six– do you want me to start at one?
Claire: Yeah.
(Alex starts at one, and counts to one hundred.)
Alex: Do you want me to count to…
Claire: One hundred and one!
Alex: How about one hundred and ninety?
Claire: Okay.
(Alex keeps counting upward from one hundred.)

Claire: Daddy? When it’s your birthday, you get presents, right?
Daddy: That’s right.
Claire: Oh.
(Pause.)
Claire: Daddy? What day is my birthday?
Daddy: June thirtieth.
Claire: Oh.

Alex (still counting): One hundred and ninety five, one hundred and ninety six…
Alex (to Claire): What comes after one hundred and ninety six?
Claire: One hundred and ninety seven.
Alex: One hundred and ninety seven, one hundred and ninety eight, one hundred and ninety nine…
Alex (to Claire): What comes after one hundred and ninety nine?
Claire: I don’t know what is after that. I don’t know what it is. Just tell your own self what it is.

(After Daddy tells him that two hundred comes after one hundred and ninety nine, Alex ultimately counts up to two hundred fifty nine before reaching home.)

Nothing's better than candy.

Alex: Nothing's better than candy.

Claire: Nothing's the best, except candy.

You read the inside, and I'll read the front. ‘Cause I know that part.

(Alex is about to read “No, David” to Claire.)
Claire: I know what those words says, it says “No, David.” You read the inside, and I'll read the front. ‘Cause I know that part.